#i tell her something that stressed me out or something that im allergic to

[mushroom-through-the-stargate]

I have had so many "best friends" over the years, and none of them have ever quieted the voice that tells me that everyone always leaves me. because it's right - either I've left because I was getting hurt or they left usually for reasons out of my control.

BUT SOME RANDOM CANADIAN IN MY PHONE IS THE ONE I'VE NEVER DOUBTED?!?!?!

[halevren]

FHJY Spoilers || my live thoughts as I watch episode 11

three hours. three hours along. this might take me a bit to get through 😭😭 I might not note every little thought because that's. A lot. But definitely a good portion of the normal random stuff

THE CONTENT WARNINGS ARE CONCERNING ME.... BODY HORROR??? GORE??? THIS ISN'T A HORROR SEASON. I THOUGHT THIS WAS GOING TO BE A FUN HAHA SEASON???? WHAT??????????

HELLO ONE AND ALL

Ally Brennan Beardsley Mulligan

"What if just shows up for the interview" well I guess that means riz and fig have to create a

PETE WENTZ IS WANDA'S (RECENT) EX BOYFRIEND

"Cause if I say it to Brennan, I'll just be wrong"

CANCELLED 😭

im showing my emo autistic friend this session because they know literally everything about emo bands and apparently Pete Wentz has drank piss multiple times before. Hm.

"Let him sweat"

Mommy/baby time??????

"You are my little baby"

Sklonda embarrassing Riz to Fig is so real and accurate

spys tongue

spy's tongue or spies tongue

Very Humanoid Animals 😭😭😭😭😭😭

AN ORANGUTAN

NAT ONE BECOMES 23 🔥🔥🔥🔥

19 steal orangutan tho

VOMITING

NAT 20 MURPH

BROKEN CRYSTAL??

BLOOD SPLATTER?

oh goodness

Something happened here

CONFUSED?

STABS HER HAND?

Copperkell

Riz asking his mom to see dead bodies

omg did Kalina say Ragh Barkrock because she wanted them to investigate everything that she did back then in reference to him specifically (like the killing clone Lydia / destroying the house, etc.)

Emergency meeting. Even you Fabian.

CARBONIZED BLOOD?

rage kills

CRRRRRRIT it's a 7

IDENTIFY SPELL!!!!!!!

oh no. Brennan why you asking the state of emotions

"Fuck"

TWO IN ONE ONE IN TWO

Identify spell is overwhelmed

ATTACKS ADAINE????

NAT 20 PERCEPTION CHECK

The rot of dead gods??

INTERIOR OF A BODY?

gross gross gross gross

"gorgug..... very good....."

"You have to tip me this time" "nah"

building a God??? oh my...

The daymare queen

Bobby Dawn.

Asking what would make Kristen angry is such a loaded question. So much stuff

"My president!"

gorgug just grabs the angry shard

"I did not tell you I shit." "No, the whole school knows about it"

ADAINE HAS A SCOOTER?

AELWYN ASKED THE SHELTER FOR ALL THE UNWANTED CATS 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

AND SHE'S ALLERGIC TO CATS 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

"I have so much love to give exclusively to cats"

Camaraderie in toxicity

SHE HAS NO FRIENDS 😭😭

omg aelwyn and fabian boned

"Fuck you. Bitch"

Malarkey

"Tell Kristen to not come back."

zac's little shrugs hehehehe

"I drive down to bastion city and do crimes."

"I shall steal everyone's bones"

THE CATS CAN SMELL THE WARD AND THEY WON'T TAKE THE MEDICINE

aelwyn my beloved I love her so much

FIG DISGUISED AS KIPPERLILLY COPPERKETTLE

Ruben is just constantly being terrorized by fig in the dreamscape

devil's nectar Gertie infodump

KRISTEN AND GERTIE KISSED

"Okay, well let's go out sometime. I'm painfully single, uh, and none of my friends wanna see me naked anymore." Kristen Applebees you are so fascinating

LOCAL FOOD TRUCKS? THE FUCKING FOOD TRUCK FEST

KRISTEN MAKING OUT WITH GERTIE TO DISTRACT HER FROM FABIAN

"Kristen, you know that's my nemesis right?"

KRISTEN GOT HER KISSES IN 🎉🎉🎉

RIZ IS ON THE SCHOOL STAFF?????

LET FIG BECOME THE CLERIC TEACHER

LET WANDA CHILDA BECOME THE CLERIC TEACHER

A CV OF WANDA CHILDA

A WICKER PAPER??????

"I pooped right now."

Adaine over break research paper of curses

RUBEN IS HENRY'S NEPHEW

NAT 20 GORGUG PERCEPTION

He leaves the motherboard.... I worry that it might be stolen by someone else

"Seems suspect." "What do you mean suspect?" "Seems Suspect" their sibling dynamic is so real

THEY BROUGHT ZAYN!!!!

how did they get Zayn through TSA

TELEMAINE HAS A LITTLE THING THAT SAYS GORGUG'S NAME 😭😭😭😭😭

YAK BAK

GRAPE NIP

Hillariel is so pretty

GILEAR IS SO STRESSED

GILEAR SAID FUCK

Gilear is the only person who has made the fig curse the main priority

"I want the yogurt back on my shirt"

ALL THE MONEY GILEAR IN THIS SITUATION MAKES GOES STRAIGHT TO ADAINE

"HE GRABS ME?"

RIZBERT

"TELEMAINE STOP BULLYING ME"

(High pitch voice) "how did she bring winter?"

I heavily fw gertie x tracker

THEIR PLAN B IS SHRIMP JUMP

CRAW FATHERS

GORGUG CLEARLY PISSED OFF

oh fig.... I feel so connected to you

"Who's Wanda Childa....?" "She's my alter emo"

Sandra is so true. I often ask my friends how they percieve me so I can understand myself better.

"What if I punished this man to eternal rock"

"I don't want to see that." Sandra grabs fig's cigarette and takes a hit instead.

SPY'S TONGUE LORE

Kalina with the Spy's Tongue........

I love this lore and conspiracy theories talk

they're annoying but have great record keeping

GORGUG PUT HIS HEADPHONES ON THE SECOND THEY ENTERED THE CHURCH

NAT 20 INSIGHT

Narnia burning man

Fig and Fabian are living it UP

tracker............. i can't say I like her very much after that phone call. So I'm not the most thrilled to see her.

GORGUG PUSHING EVERYONE OUT OF THE WAY TO THE HOT CHOCOLATE

WORLD STAR

Half the party is living it up having hot coco while the other half is experiencing / witnessing a very emotional moment

RUNES RELATING TO GIANT DEITIES

GIFT EXCHANGE

PIPES OF THE SEWERS

CHA CHA CHA CHA CHA CHA CHA

THE RATETTES

EAR WORM?

"PUT ME IN YOUR BRAIN"

A PULL UP BAR!!!! IMMOVABLE BAR

BRACERS OF DEFENSE

"Oh shit they're so practical. I have to wear bracers. What can I do? They're so tactic?"

RIDDLER RIZ?

FIRE GIANT JUICE

"Is this legal?" "It's Not."

WOODEN ORANGUTAN MASK

SO MUCH HOLE

HE SENDS A TEXT TO MAZEY THEN PUTS HIS PHONE ON AIRPLANE MODE

KRISTEN NOOOOO

THE BAR

assisted pull ups 🔥🔥🔥

Naradriel is actually so sweet

Hillsong / wolfsong close enough

NAT 20 INVESTIGATION CHECK FOR MURPH

SCORTCH MARK?

LIST OF NAMES??

WEDDING CONTRACT

OH MY GOD OH MY GOD

RUVINA MAID OF HONOR

THE MASK

"PUT THE HOLES AWAY AND MAKE THEM"

WHAT'S THE NAME. WHAT'S THE NAME. WHAT'S THE NAME. WHAT IS IT. WHAT IS THE NAME BRENNAN

OH GOD

ANKARNA

GLOWS RED? OH MY GOD FIENDISH ENERGY

ADAINE BROUGHT BACK ARKARNA AND LYDIA'S CHEST CRYSTAL

OH MY GOD IF LYDIA DIES I'M GONNA PUNCH MY WALL /HJ

negative one initiative........

SAVING ROLLS FOR FIG? WHY

PRIDE ARMOR

THE MOON BEGINS TO WHAT?

TEARS HER FLESH? OH GOD

BRIDE ARMOR

CASSANDRA IS PROTECTING THEM 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

SEVERAL DIVINE INTERVENTIONS ARE HAPPENING SIMULTANEOUSLY IN CONFLICT??????????

FIG INTO THE BRIEF CASE JUST LIKE GILEAR WAS

SIX LEVEL COUNTERSPELL

COUNTER SPELL CRIT!!!!!!!!!

FIG WAS ALMOST KILLED?????????????

RIZ JUMPS AFTER FIG

BARONNNN FROM THE BARONIES

ROËMAENCE PARTNÆR

FABIAN DIDN'T JUMP INTO THE BRIEF CASE. GORGUG, FIG AND RIZ HAVE SO FAR

okay thank god fabian did jump in

DIVINE INTERVENTION ROLL

DEATH WARD ON AELWYN 🔥🔥

BARON IS WARNING KRISTEN?

DID WE JUST WATCH GILEAR FIG DIE?

NAT 20 DEX THROW FOR KRISTEN

what dimension are they in. What is riz's briefcase

ENDING OFF ON A ROLL FOR INITIATIVE??

I DON'T KNOW HOW TO FEEL WHAT

[robbiefischer]

im very sorry in advance this is so many so plz no pressure but maybe you could do ❣️🎢🧸🐾 🥰🎲 for julian and niko?

Oh my gosh, please do not ever apologize for sending me asks about my kids (or anything, really)! I was so happy to get this and loved working on these questions, tysm! I'm sorry I took so long to finish it up.

❣️ - What are their love languages?

Julian's love languages are physical touch and quality time, as well as words of affirmation. All things he did not get much of growing up. He lives for hugs, and forehead kisses, having his hair played with, and the way Niko always wants to hold his hand and keep him close while they're in public. Do that, tell him he's good and loved, listen to him play guitar and talk about his musical influences and favorite artists and he will melt.

Niko's love languages are receiving gifts and quality time. And while it's probably not one of his main love languages, he's also really fond of physical touch. Nothing makes him feel more loved than realizing that Julian's hanging on his every word as he talks about some obscure artistic movement or the intricacies of restoring an old canvas (well, nothing except for the perfect, unexpected gift).

🎢 - Do they like amusement parks? What’s their favorite ride?

Sorry, this is probably boring but neither of them feel like amusement park people to me. I'm sure once they have their daughter that they'll enjoying watching HER enjoy amusement parks, but they wouldn't like spending time at one otherwise.

🧸 - Do they have any stuffed animals? If so, are they decorative or do they sleep with them?

Ooookay yes I love this question so much, thank you for giving me the opportunity to talk about possibly the softest idea I have ever come up with for any OC.

Niko has a very cute stuffed bunny that Julian gave him as a present before he knew that Niko is allergic to rabbits. They joke that it's the only bunny he'll ever like because it's the only one that doesn't make him want to die. It's more decorative, but not entirely. He doesn't sleep with it every single night but he does want it when he's really stressed out or not feeling well, or if Julian's been gone for a while on tour and he's lonely without his husband.

Julian has a stuffed kitty. It is the same stuffed kitty he had as a baby/young child, except it's not exactly the same kitty because his awful mother threw his out as a punishment when he was around 5 or 6 which devastated him at the time. It came up once during a conversation with Niko who was just incensed at the idea of that happening (especially since Julian tried to shrug it off and say he probably was misbehaving or something and deserved it), and he and Julian's aunt Clare (who had pictures of Julian with the OG kitty) went on a hunt for another of the same kitty on eBay and estate sales. It took about a year but they finally found one in perfection condition and surprised him with it. He definitely cried. It's very much not decorative - he sleeps with it every single night, to the point that he'll pack it in his suitcase if they go on a trip or he goes on tour with the band. If he doesn't have his kitty, he sleeps so much worse than he would with it.

🐾 - Do they have any pets?

They have four cats - Frodo, Sam, Merry and Pippin. Yes, I know. Sorry, I'm a slut for Tolkien and therefore, so are my favorite boys. They adopted their kitties two at a time, as bonded pairs - Frodo and Sam came first, then Merry and Pippin about a year later.

🥰 - What pet names do their partner(s) use for them? How flustered do they get by them?

Julian mostly calls Niko 'love', 'sweet pea' and Izzy (which comes from his middle name, Isidore - Julian is the only one allowed to call him that). Sometimes he'll go with angel as well, although that one's less common. Niko doesn't really get flustered by any of them, but he's *so* soft whenever Julian uses a pet name for him. He has a lot of feelings about how much he loves his husband and how lucky he is.

Niko has SO many pet names for Julian it's almost ridiculous. Sweetness and kitten are the most common (and Julian's favorites), but he also calls hm sweetheart, darling, my love, honey. If he feels like speaking French, he'll go with mon amour or mon cherí. Julian really doesn't get flustered by Niko calling him pet names either, he loves it so much, absolutely eats it up. He's never had that in a relationship before and he loves it so much. If he were a cat, he'd purr so loud every time Niko uses a pet name for him.

🎲 - Pick a random question to answer from this list.

Okay, so here's the deal. I'm combining two because answering one without the other just doesn't make sense to me.

🍳 - How well can they cook? / 🍪 - How well can they bake?

Julian is a fantastic baker, and a really good cook but baking is his one-true-love. He bakes multiple different types of bread including sourdough, cinnamon rolls (because Niko loves them), he's done his own puff pastry and croissants... if the base is any kind of flour, he can figure it out.

Niko is a really great cook, but he's not much of a baker. He could handle a batch of muffins, or a tray of a basic cookie and does when they have their daughter, Thea. But he's just not really into baking and doesn't have the patience for it, so it's not a skill he's worked on improving. Julian's just fine with that - he likes being the baker in their house.

[cblgblog]

Sorry I’m advance but one of my other favorite accounts just reblogged a Tony scene and people are talking about Civil War and how it made them Stan Tony, and how when they watch that movie they hate team cap👀 Then someone was all about how he was sleep deprived and how much pressure he was under and couldn’t understand how people didn’t like Tony because. Someone literally said that when someone says they don’t like Tony in Civil War they say “did you watch the same movie as me.” I’m baffled. Oddly enough someone else said, “he just wants to help everyone.” Sorry for the rant but I think people forget about what the accords are and what it would mean for people. Side note, I hope you’re having a great day/night 😀

No sorry needed!

I feel you man, I do. Honestly, I’ve unfollowed people based on similar posts when I was in especially Done moods, so.

Look on the one hand, the movie would’ve been a narrative failure if everyone was in favor of one side or the other, right? The whole point of the damn thing—besides giving the Mouse overlords more money—was to spark discussion, debate. Which, yeah, we’ll call that the tame description for what actually happened. But just, the thing was meant to split the fanbase so in that regard…winning? Thanks, I guess?

Film is also very obviously subjective, different strokes for different folks, so yeah, ten people can watch a movie and none of them are gonna see the exact same film. Let’s try to remember that this is, in theory anyway, a good thing. I just read a professional film review yesterday where I had the same reaction. What film were you watching, dude? Incidentally his reviewing partner said the same thing.

So honestly, no, they weren’t watching the same film as you or I or anyone else, because everyone brings their own biases and experiences and knowledge and interests into a thing, and that’s always going to flavor how it’s viewed. Again, let’s try to remember that this is good. In theory. Heavy on the theory.

That out of the way? Let’s get into Tony specifically so his uber stans can find this and scream at me on anon as though I just shot RDJ with a nuke.

Oh yeah, he was stressed. Oh, he was sleep deprived. Yeah, I’ve heard that. And that it’s Pepper’s fault, if she hadn’t left the poor baby, if she was there to rein him in, he’d be fine dammit, leave the baby alone!

Here’s the thing. You know who gets a pass on their shit behavior when they’re upset or tired? Actual babies. Actual babies and toddlers, and children, up to a point. Because they actually cannot always help themselves. Their bodies and brains are different, they have not learned better.

When you’re a 50-year-old man who’s supposedly the world’s bestest superhero, who wants, wants to be in charge of protecting the whole world? You need a little more self-control than that. The sleep deprived excuse works if you snap at someone before you’ve had your coffee, not for this. Roseanne Barr didn’t get to blame Ambien for her racism, Tony doesn’t get to handwave CW away because oops, I was tired.

Really? You’re a superhero, dude. Most of your teammates are tired too, that’s part of the gig. If you crash and burn this badly without your afternoon nap, fucking hang up the armor and go back to your billionaire playboy lifestyle.

Speaking of that, sure, right. It’s Pepper’s fault because she left him. Put aside the argument on whether that was justified or not (cough, it was and she should’ve stayed away even though they are adorable together). It’s not Pepper’s job to keep Tony sane. It’s not any partner’s job to do that for anyone. If she wants out, she has a right to that, without Tony going off the rails and blaming it on her. Seriously, he says part of the reason he backed the Accords was to “split the difference” with Pepper.

Dude. You were an asshole and you lost your girl. You destroyed all your suits, turned an emotional and mental corner in IM 3…and then relapsed 4 minutes later I guess because Whedon. Either way, Tony admits himself that he does not want to stop. So instead of doing that, or finding another partner who can accept that, you back an unjust international law that pits you against your team, your supposed friends? Go to therapy, have a pint of ice cream, cry into your pillow, send her more of those strawberries you sent her in IM 2 that she’s allergic to. You don’t go trying to change international law in ways that could ultimately affect millions of people because your girl left you.

Honestly—and thank God they didn’t do this but—the only way the Pepper excuse works in excusing his behavior in any way is if she’d died. Or been severely injured like Happy in IM 3. Still wouldn’t be okay, but, like Quill messing up their chance to stop Thanos because Gamora died, it would’ve been more understandable. Understandable, not excusable, and the way the MCU treats their women as manpain fodder, we’re probably legit lucky we didn’t get this.

As for him wanting to help everyone. He does in fact want that, I think. The problem is that his need to feel like he’s doing that is stronger than his rational mind, or his want to actually help in a constructive way.

Tony is too smart. He’s dumb as hell in many instances, mostly involving people and relationships, but he’s also too smart, and he’s been told for too long that he’s smart, and he’s bought into it. Ultron. Suit of armor around the world, protects the world, no more alien threats. It’s a simple concept on paper that fails in execution. So there are people with dangerous powers. Okay, we’ll make a set of laws to keep them from being dangerous, problem solved. But again, it isn’t.

Tony is not used to problems he cannot solve. He’s a genius, right? He can fix anything. He should be able to fix anything. That’s how he feels. But not everything is zeros and ones and circuits, things that can be fixed mechanically like his armors can. The people he wants to protect are not built that way. But he needs to feel like he’s doing something, because he’s terrified of what happens to the world if he doesn’t. So he creates these simple solutions to complex problems. The suit of armor, the Accords. They sound good in theory, but the problems they’re trying to solve are bigger than they are. And Tony, way back in IM 1, he sat back for years, clueless that his weapons were being used for bad things. He says it to Cap in CW. When he found out what his weapons were being used for, he went in and stopped it. Whether or not he should’ve known that already is a separate issue here. The point here is that when he found out, too late or not, he went in and did something about it.

Tony needs to do something about it. Again, go back to Cap in AoU, Tony’s nightmare sequence. Steve asks Tony why he didn’t save them. Tony’s ultimate nightmare is that he sits back and does nothing, and his inaction causes everyone to die. Which is where you get Ultron. Something he came up with because of what he saw in space in Avengers 1, then doubled down on in AoU. It’s where you get the Accords. Oops, he caused someone to die, he killed Charles Spencer. Must do something about that right now so it doesn’t happen again, and he won’t have to feel this guilt. He should be collaborating with others to come up with solutions (no Bruce in AoU doesn’t count because Bruce was dumb there), or at the very least, taking more time to think through the repercussions of the things he puts out there. But he doesn’t, because he’s got his savior complex that tells him that he alone can and must fix this, and because he’s too dumb to realize how not-smart he is in certain areas.

“We need to be put in check. Whatever form that takes, I’m game.”

Isn’t that what he says in CW, or something very close to it? Whatever form that takes. That’s the issue, right there, whatever form that takes. Realistically, yes, there should be laws regarding people with powers, the same way there are special laws pertaining to people who carry guns, or people who are licensed to fly planes. You have a thing/can do a thing that not everyone else does, so there are regulations pertaining to that thing. Laws change with the times, they always have. Some new technology comes up, eventually there will be laws that regulate it. As there should be, honestly. The issue with the Accords, Steve’s issue with the Accords, was not the basic idea. He says as much. He says that it could work, but there would have to be safeguards. Safeguards that are not in the Accords that Tony wants him to sign.

It's not a matter of oh, fuck the law, there should be no law governing these people, they’re above it. The problem is that the law as it’s presented here is unjust. There’s what, a month between Lagos and Ross coming by to tell them about the Accords? A month is not enough time to properly analyze such a big issue, Especially when you’re reacting out of fear, which is what happened with Lagos. People died because of an Enhanced person, an Avenger, in this case. Lawmakers don’t want that to happen again, they especially don’t want the political shit storm that comes with it. Damn, we look like we were asleep at the switch here, not having anything to throw at this problem earlier. Quick, let’s throw together this thing so no one can say we’re not addressing the problem.

Patriot Act of 2001, anyone? 9/11 happened, the public were rightfully terrified, the US said oh man, these are unprecedented circumstances, we’ve never had this before. Don’t worry though, we’re on this, we’re protecting you. The reality being that that bill simply gave the government too much power, most of it being used against people who were not actually threats, and it’s debatable, to say the very least, whether or not that law helped more than it hurt.

No law is perfect. No law ever will be. It’s not possible. We still have to strive for perfection though, have to aim there so that the laws we get are as close to fair as possible. Tony’s a big deal. If not for his “whatever form that takes” attitude, he might’ve been able to use his influence to pressure lawmakers into coming up with a fairer bill. Hey, I’m me, the public loves me, I will endorse this bill publicly and work on getting the rest of the team to sign, but you need to change this and this and this first, or no deal. Instead, he took the easy way out, the quickest, easiest way for him to feel like he’s atoned for his sins without actually doing anything. Whatever form that takes.

Tony’s not wrong because he backs the creation of a law that addresses these things. He’s wrong because he says himself that he does not care what that law does, specifically, so long as it exists. He’s wrong because he violates said law upteen times during the movie, while preaching to team Cap about what assholes they are for not backing it. He’s wrong because he cares more about feeling as though he’s tackled a problem than he does about taking the time to make sure that the thing he’s proposing is actually a good idea. He’s wrong because of what he does with Bucky, though that’s honestly a separate issue, for the purposes of this discussion.

Anyway, that was longer than I ever wanted it to be. Damn. Next time you see a comment about CW being the reason people stan Tony, just remember there are other people out there who stopped stanning Tony because of that movie. Everyone’s entitled to see a piece of media however they see it, and although the Tony stans are often the loudest, there are plenty of like-minded people out there who share your take on events. Block who you need to, unfollow who you need to, blacklist what you need to, and don’t let them get you down.

Hang in there, and have an awesome day :)

[warsamongthestars]

BAD BATCH (+1) INCORRECT QUOTES - RVB EDITION

BAD BATCH (+1) INCORRECT QUOTES RED VS BLUE EDITION

#=#=#=#

WRECKER: WHAT DO YOU THINK HUNTER WILL DO FOR A DISTRACTION

CROSSHAIR: he'll probably throw a rock or make a noise.

[ explosion in the distance ]

CROSSHAIR: or he'll do that.

HUNTER: Okay, come on out. But come quietly.

WRECKER: UH WRECKER: DO WE HAVE TO USE THAT UH WRECKER: GRAV LIFT

CROSSHAIR: don't be a baby, Wrecker. CROSSHAIR: how bad can it be-EEEEEEEEEE

[ Crosshair steps on the Grav-Lift and is sent flying ] [ He lands, bounces, skids, hydroplanes ] [ and eventually smacks against the side of a speeder ]

CROSSHAIR: KARKIN BANTHASHIT

DROID #1: Did you hear something? DROID #2: ... Whuh?

HUNTER: I said quietly! What part of quiet don't you understand!?

CROSSHAIR: WHAT PART!? CROSSHAIR: how about the part where i got thrown EIGHTY FEET IN THE KARKIN' AIR CROSSHAIR: BY THE STARS DAMN THROWING THING!?

# # #

AZI: Alright gentlemen. AZI: I am going to be giving Sergeant Hunter his physical now. AZI: Would anyone like to assist?

TECH: I can assure everyone that it’s merely holding the vomit bucket.

CROSSHAIR: sorry, i'm busy.

AZI: Specialist Brexpy?

BREXPY: i cant

AZI: Why not?

BREXPY: because im allergic to things i dont want to do BREXPY: [ fakes coughing ]

# # #

AZI: I have discovered the problem!

ECHO: What is it Azi?

AZI: You may not like the diagnosis.

TECH: I believe we will be able to take it, AZI. Just tell us.

AZI: Sergeant Hunter is--

BREXPY: dying

AZI: No, he is not dying. He--

CROSSHAIR: has no chance to live.

WRECKER: GUYS STOP INTERUPTIN!

# # #

ECHO: I thought it lit up green for flesh wounds.

TECH: And infectious diseases.

AZI: It is a general alert, with meaning about any number from a list of health and error codes. For example, this error code alerts us to anger stemming from suppressed feelings of inadequacy from a clone trooper!

WRECKER: IF THAT THING KEEPS TALKIN BAD ABOUT ME WRECKER: IM GONNA SMASH IT

# # #

TECH: I have read reports that natborns can get enormous strength in stressful situations. TECH: There was a human woman that lifted a crashed speeder off her infant child.

BREXPY: you want me to call the generals mother?

# # #

RANDO REG: What, this ship?

TECH: No, another ship. TECH: And then that ship left, and this ship crashed in the same spot.

RANDO REG: Where did it come from?

BREXPY: its a spaceship BREXPY: it came from space

# # #

WRECKER: BUT I WAS SO YOUNG WRECKER: AND VIOLENT

CROSSHAIR: and thats what makes this tragic.

#=#=# EMPIRE EDITION ADDITION #=#=#

BREXPY: yknow BREXPY: we couldve taken that jedi if id have just hit him a few more times

CROSSHAIR: a few more times? how about one time?

BREXPY: well i think i landed at least two or three shots

CROSSHAIR: yeah right. CROSSHAIR: you didn't hit anything but the wall.

BREXPY: hey BREXPY: i need distance to aim to use a gun effectively

CROSSHAIR: where were you planning on shooting him from? CROSSHAIR: the moon? CROSSHAIR: if you had backed up any further you would've had to mail them the bullet.

# # #

CROSSHAIR: brexpy, sitrep.

BREXPY: well BREXPY: theyve had the prisoner in there for far too long BREXPY: theyre probably subjecting them to all manner of unbearable torture BREXPY: i figure that in a manner of hours BREXPY: the prisoners spirit will be just as broken as his body BREXPY: completely unable to cope with the never ending stimulation of pain and horror BREXPY: but to answer the question BREXPY: things are fine BREXPY: could be a little warmer but i cant complain

# # #

BREXPY: well if youre the judge and DA BREXPY: and im the defense BREXPY: you know that e03 is gonna want to be the bailiff BREXPY: and that means hes gonna wanna wear the shock trooper uniform with the short shorts

CROSSHAIR: great, officer hot pants.

BREXPY: and we all remember the emperors birthday holiday party

[ flashback ]

BREXPY: that cake is karkin huge

E-02: Its big enough to fit a person!

CROSSHAIR: why does it smell like baby oil?

E-05: Oh fuck where's E-03?!

#=#=#=#

[anythingandeverything1d]

Congratulations

“(y/n)” the nurse called out from the door. You stood up and walked over with an anxious smile. She handed you a clip board of medical information that you needed to update and then said she would grab you once it was completed and turned into the desk. You sat back down in the waiting room and flipped through the pages. Ugh I wish my mom was here...am I allergic to anything? I mean I don't think so but maybe Im just unaware of it..I don't remember having surgery-well my tonsils were removed but does that count? You were filling out the page to the best of your ability when your phone buzzed. You looked down and saw his name flash across the screen before immediately ignoring the call. You rushed to finish the paperwork and handed it in as the nurse came back. “Ready?” she asked.

“Yeah.” you followed her down the hall where she took your height and weight before escorting you into the room. You hopped onto the chair and anxiously tapped your foot as she checked your temperature, blood pressure, and oxygen levels. After finishing up she sat on the stool and smiled. 

“So, what are we here for today?”

“Uh...” you looked at your feet and shifted in the chair. “I think I may be pregnant.”

She smiled and nodded, “when was your last period?” 

“My period tends to be irregular but the last one I had recored was around two months ago.”

“Okay, were you on any kind of birth controls, or using any type of contraceptives?”

“I was on a birth control, am on a birth control but I missed a few days while I was on vacation which is when I believe this all happened.”

“Okay. Have you had any symptoms other than your missed period?”

“No, not really.”

“Okay. Have you taken any pregnancy tests at home?”

You nodded, your brain flashing back to that day. 

*Tears were flooding down your cheeks as he grabbed his last hoodie from your closet. All you wanted was for life to stop. You wanted him to say its okay, to make a change in the relationship, to stay. You sat on the bed crying as he walked out the door for the last time, taking with him every once of happiness you had. You ran to the bathroom, physically sick from the situation. It wasnt until you were hunched over the toilet that you realized the box of tampons had gone unopened. Missing periods was normal for you, they had never been regular. There was a slight doubt in your mind though. You had never missed a period more than once, so the fact that you were going on two means something was wrong. You had been under a lot of stress though, the distance, the lying, the excuses, all of it. Wiping the snot running from your nose, you had gotten up, washed your face, and thrown on sweatpants and a sweatshirt. You had mustered the courage to drive all the way to the drug store, purchase three pregnancy tests, and drive home. You had gotten three, you wanted to be sure. You wanted to be positive before making any other decisions. You sat on the bathroom floor after peeing in a cup and dipped each end, turning them over so you couldn't see the lines. You set a timer on your phone and closed your eyes. The only thing that could've possibly made this situation better was having him here. Of course he was gone already but you could still dream right? When the alarm on your phone went off you anxiously flipped them all over. Picking the first up and squinting you saw the dreaded double lines. Picking the second one up: dreaded double lines. And the third: PREGNANT in bold. You dropped them all on the counter and threw your phone. Of course, of course this this happens. He leaves and I end up pregnant with his baby..just like the movies except he won't be coming back. The rest of the day had been a blur. You had kind of just ignored the fact that there were three positive pregnancy tests in the bathroom. When your friend Luke had come over, you had cried into his arms. Cried about him leaving, about the break up, and finally about being pregnant. “(y/n) if you have positive pregnancy tests you need to call him.”

���No. I can't do that. Im not doing that.”

“(y/n)...hes the father, he deserves to know.”

“I may not even be pregnant though..they come up wrong all the time.”

“Not this wrong though.. this seems pretty sure.”

“I mean I've been stressed lately maybe its just a hormone thing.”

“I think you should go to the doctor and check. And if you are then you need to ball up and tell him. Seriously he needs to know”

You had nodded and cried some more before Luke left. Then you had called your doctor and made an appointment.*

Now here you were answering questions about your sex life and body. The nurse handed you a cup and showed you where the bathroom was. She said the test would take only around ten minutes but that she would be coming back to the room to do a blood test as well. Great, what a fun day... You quickly peed in the cup, leaving it on the counter for the nurse and wandered back to the room you had been assigned. Your hands were sweating and you felt dizzy. Having your blood drawn was probably your least favorite thing. In fact, you fainted almost every time. You checked your phone and thought about texting him...instead you texted Luke and told him how terrible the doctor was and that you were going to die while having your blood drawn. His only response was “lol” and you rolled your eyes. Typical guy.. The nurse came back in with a smile and sat down. “Well it does look like you are in fact pregnant so congratulations! We want to do a pelvic exam and ultra sound today just to see where everything is at and then have you come back for a blood draw in the future.” 

“Thanks.” you smiled and relief flooded your face. At least you didnt have to have your blood drawn today. On the other hand, you were pregnant, which was a whole other nightmare in its own. Not that you hadn't wanted and dreamed of having kids. You just thought it would be under different circumstances and that you would be married. 

“Im going to leave this gown here if you just want to change real quick we can do an ultrasound and hopefully see where the little baby is at.” She left for a minute and you quickly changed, your warm body freezing against the chair. When she came back in, she had an ultrasound machine on wheels. She started with the pelvic exam, lightly pressing all around your pelvic region. Satisfied she got out a tube of gel. “This is going to be cold at first.” You had nodded and watched as the clear gel squirted out and the ultrasound machine rubbed against your skin. You watched the screen as she moved it around looking for the baby. After what felt like months, she found a small white dot looking blob and smiled. “There it is...looks like you are measuring around 2 months right now which makes sense to when you thought everything happened.” She looked at you and smiled. “I know it can be a lot to take in..I’m guessing this is your first?”

“Yeah...its just a lot I guess.”

“It is, but it gets easier. Want to hear the baby’s heartbeat?”

You smiled and nodded. She pressed a button and you heard soft thumps. Tears slipped out of the corner of your eye and you wiped them away. “Thats pretty cool.”

She smiled and nodded before handing you a towel. “You are all set to go, we will have the pictures at the desk where you can make your next appointment. It was nice meeting you (y/n) good luck on your pregnancy and congratulations again.” You smiled and thanked her before climbing back into your clothes. 2 months pregnant...theres a living being in there...my baby...mine and Harry’s baby...oh god, what am I going to tell Harry? At the desk you scheduled another appointment and the receptionist handed you a picture saying congratulations. You looked at the little pea shaped blob inside you and grinned. Thats mine...thats inside me. 

Luke surprised you by standing at your car door with an ice cream sundae. “Soo did you faint? did you die? did you live?”

You laughed, “Yeah I lived. I didnt have my blood drawn at all actually.”

“Oh? Why’s that?” You took the sundae from him and smiled taking a bite, the hot fudge melting in your mouth. 

“Because of this.” you waved the picture in your hand and he grabbed it his mouth dropping. 

“Is that what I think it is? Do you have an alien growing inside you?”

“Lukeee seriously”

He laughed and looked into your eyes. “Okay okay but wow, a baby. That’s amazing. How are you feeling about it?”

“I feel like it hasn't sunk in yet....but that I’m really happy. I mean Ive always wanted a baby...why not do it now? I don't need a man in my life. Im a strong and independent woman.”

“That you are, but don't worry you will have me too. Im going to be a great uncle, its the best job anyways. But uh- are you going to tell Harry?” 

You shrugged your shoulders and continued eating. “(y/n)...it is his baby right?”

You rolled your eyes and nodded. “It cant be anyone else's.”

“So then you're going to tell him.”

“Idontknow” you mumbled, your mouth full of ice cream.

“You have to..you know he would want to know.”

“Theres a lot I wanted to know and he didn't tell me so I’m not sure yet. I haven't decided anything.”

“Okay...” he gave in and hugged you. “I’m happy for you I really am.” 

You hugged him back and smiled. “Thanks. I’m glad you're here...I’m glad I have someone to go through this with. And I’m so so glad you brought ice cream.”

“It’s okay. What are friends for right?” You nodded and jumped in the car after saying goodbye. You didn’t quite know who to call yet so you decided to just enjoy some time with yourself. You did the only logical thing you could think of after finding out that there was a baby inside you: you went shopping. You picked a local baby store and walked in, looking at all the onesies, furniture, blankets, binkies, and bears. 

“Hi! Anything I can help you find today?”

“No, thank you I’m just looking.”

“Okay well we are having a two for one deal on onesies and bibs so make sure to check those out.”

“I will thank you.” you smiled at the girl working but she kept looking back at you. 

“Are you (y/n)...the girl dating Harry Styles?” she asked shyly.

“I was dating him, not anymore actually.” She nodded and gave you the look, you know the one of pity and sorrow? You went back to shopping looking at all of the little outfits, there were so many choices. You also had no idea if you were having a boy or a girl..something told you it was a boy but obviously you had no clue whatsoever. You decided on a cute grey onesie with little animals on it...gender neutral. You also grabbed a cute binkie that had a stuffed bear attached to it. 

“These are super cute.” the girl said while checking out. “There's a whole collection that goes with this if youre interested.”

“No, that's okay this is enough for now?”

She nodded and wrapped the stuff in a bag. “So how far along are you?”

“Not very far, only a few months.”

“Well congrats! I hope everything goes smoothly and I hope to see you back here soon for more stuff.”

You smiled and nodded. “I for sure will be back.” 

You drove home, your phone blowing up the entire way with twitter notifications, instagram tags, and more. Inside you scrolled through it, only to find pictures of you shopping for the baby clothes. Your name attached to headlines stating you were expecting but not far along. Great...this is not what I need...how do they even know.... you were scrolling through more twitter notifications. Harry’s name was now being brought into this. Another daddy in One Direction? Harry Styles Expecting? ugh...this literally cannot be happening.. and then everything got worse.. Harry’s name and photo popped up on your screen as he called. “Harry?” you answered anxiously.

---

Part 1 of my new series, hope you all enjoy! Goal is to have another part posted tonight or tomorrow! This is kind of just an intro to the story, I’m hoping to have them be a little longer but let me know what you all would rather: longer and less stories (may take more time to upload) or shorter and more stories (updated a little faster)

Let me know what you think so far and what you think will happen.

xoxo

[chaotic-neutral-toga]

i’ve spent the entire time since my last post on this and holy fuck i want to fall into a coma

um okay i just thought up a zodiac based story plot thing and uyvbuhyb

okay so there’s this god-like thing but not exactly gods, i guess the “souls” of concepts, maybe?? so like those ones are infinite, not really but like they are, it’s confusing on purpose, but the zodiac are one of a kind each, Thing is they’re kinda destructive. Some do it because they can/want to, some do it because they don’t understand what’s wrong with it (they weren’t really ‘disciplined” or “taught”, so morality is kinda lost on them), and some are more kind, but still dangerous. In classic story fashion, they get sent down to the human world to become accustomed to morals, ethics, and just having a more grounded life. anyway characters

Pisces is autistic (yes im projecting a little) and destruction was the her way of stimming (other than snuggling in a hug with someone). When she gets to Earth, she does things that are “weird” to humans, since out of all of the zodiacs, she has the hardest time grasping the concept of the human world besides stuff she already knew(water and other stuff her sign rules). She’s fairly kind and compassionate, but has no tolerance for liars or anyone that gets on her bad side, which is a side even Aries sweats over. She likes puns (once they’re explained to her), and never understands innuendos or dirty jokes unless they’re really obvious. [Colors for her design: Mauve, Lilac, Violet, Sea Green. Closest Relationships: Virgo and Taurus. Human Name: Clementine.] Panromantic Demisexual

Aries is a bit reckless/destructive, to the point of idiotic sometimes, but he really does have the best intentions with most things he does. You can’t really blame someone for not knowing what they shouldn't do when they were never taught they had limits or boundaries that could be pushed. He can be bossy at times, but it’s usually because he knows his fellow Zodiacs well, and he can tell when they need someone to tell them what to do before they end up arguing over different ideas. Fire is the element he rules over, therefore it was one of the few human concepts he knew, so he took a quick liking to smores; it’s a sweet thing made over fire, what’s not to love? When he’s not riled up over something, he’s just a really passionate and affectionate friend. He identifies as an Androgynous Trigender, sometimes feeling like a boy, sometimes a girl, and sometimes agender, while preferring to use he/him pronouns. [Colors for his design: Red why the fuck does he only get 1 color wtf is this inequality. Closest Relationships: Libra and Leo. Human Name: Everett.] Aromantic Asexual(will kiss the homies uwu)

Taurus is pretty calm, but they can and will destroy you(verbally). They speak their mind and try their best to be honest, even if the truth is painful or undesirable. When dealing with problems, he keeps a straight face(facade or not), but lets his emotions out when it’s over (aka pouting as Cancer give them calming head pats). Because they’re one of the only ones who took to cooking (and one of the quickest to become relatively easily-adjusted to Earth), at times, they tend to be in a sort of parental role when interacting with the others. They can get frustrated with too much stress (aka more calming head pats), but they can usually work through it well enough. When it comes to love, he becomes flustered surprisingly easy, though this is technically hypothetical, as they haven’t encountered any romantic situations yet. Upon coming to Earth, Taurus discovered he’s allergic to reptiles, especially snakes, which makes his friendship with Scorpio, who will not give up his precious boop noodle, a bit rocky. He uses he/they pronouns. [Colors for his design: Green, Pink. Closest Relationships: Scorpio and Cancer. Human Name: Beau, pronounced Bo.] Gay

Gemini was probably the most optimistic of the bunch when they were first sent to Earth; she isn’t reckless, but she does live for the thrill. She has fun watching drama as long as it’s just harmless bickering, and she’ll stop any serious fights. She's a bit slow at reading the air sometimes, which is one of the few things that make her feel insecure. Even if she comes off as prideful or uncaring, she truly does treasure all her friends, and would move mountains for them. She is an ADHD Lesbian, so she has the awful pun of GA(Y)DHD. [Colors for her design: Light-Green, Yellow. Closest Relationships: Sagittarius and Aquarius. Human Name: Mikaela.] Lesbian

Virgo has a somewhat obvious crush on Pisces- not everyone knows, but it’s not rocket science for the observant ones- and Pisces thinks he’s just being a really great friend.(Virgo: I am stoic and distant and won’t open my heart to anyone. Pisces: Hi! Virgo: FUCK-). It’s easy for him to stress or obsess over something, and not give himself any room for imperfection. He’s one of the less outwardly destructive zodiacs, but internally, he tries to do too much and puts too much pressure on himself, which is never a good thing to do. Sometimes due to stress, he’ll isolate himself for a bit, but he gets very touch-starved very easily.. which makes it even more confusing how the snugly Pisces doesn't notice his feelings. [Colors for his design: Grey, Beige, Pale-Yellow. Closest Relationships: Pisces and Cancer. Human Name: Ezra.] get em boys, we found a Hetero

Libra is a quiet one, usually collecting information from afar before interjecting. He likes being helpful since he’s aware that he sometimes overthinks interaction. Asking him questions can be confusing, as he usually answers with simple “yes”’s and “no”’s. He enjoys reading fairytales; no real reason, he just likes them. He has Sensory Processing Disorder, which simultaneously makes him the dad and the baby of the group. [Colors for his design: Pink, Green. Closest Relationships: Aries and Sagittarius. Human Name: Libra, which is luckily an actual greek name.] Bi

Leo is a rowdy girl to say the least. She’s loves just horsing around with her friends, usually in the manner of play-fighting and tackle hugs. If you didn’t guess, she’s one of the more destructive Zodiacs, even on Earth. She denies ever doing things when confronted, though it doesn’t work most of the time (”Whaaat, I didn’t break that vase, that was Aries, right bro?” “Hey, don’t pin this on me!” “BRO-”). She is extremely loyal to the people she cares for, which could cross into naivety if she chose the wrong person as her friend. While she definitely isn't the motherly type, if one of her friends really needs to be comforted, she’ll sit them on her lap and stroke their head(she stronk owo). Though normally upbeat, she becomes somber in grim-looking situations, to the point of pessimistic. [Colors for her design: Gold, Yellow, Orange. Closest Relationships: Aquarius and Gemini. Human Name: Amaterasu.] Demiromantic Asexual

Scorpio has a pet boop noodle(baby ball python) that he almost stole before Taurus payed for it, which is when they discovered Taurus is allergic. They’re an overall cold and distant person, but they’re not completely shut-off; they just have a hard time warming up to people. Because of this, he holds grudges for a long time when his carefully-placed trust is betrayed. He seems to sometimes just appear and disappear during discussions with anyone noticing until he suddenly speaks up or they want to talk to him(spoiler alert: he’s just quiet). He’s very cute and peaceful when sleeping. [Colors for his design: Scarlet, Red, Rust. Closest Relationships: Taurus and Cancer. Human Name: Phoenix.] Arospike Aceflux

Cancer is very much a big sister to most, if not all, the Zodiacs. She has a caring air about her and can adjust to suit the boundaries of her friends. She herself is quite sensitive- though no one’s ever seen her like that- and she never wants her friends to feel that way. Besides that, she takes great interest in human pleasantries, such as sweet food, cameras, and lullabies. While she prefers to be the mediator during fights, if someone, say, insulted her friend and wouldn’t back off, she would lash back with a stone cold fury; the shock value alone gives her an advantage in those situations. [Colors for her design: White again with only one color wtf im adding my own, Pale-Orange, Various Yellows. Closest Relationships: Capricorn and Taurus. Human Name: June.] Questioning Asexual

Sagittarius is one of those aggressively positive people, saying what they want with no filter. They don’t take any shit from anyone, no matter who they are. She’s very free-spirited, but she’s not unguided; she knows what she wants and when she wants it. She’s never really hurt by anything, brushing and laughing things off almost immediately. She can get quite impatient, to the point of childishly whining. I’d bet 50 bucks that she was the first Zodiac to “discover” alcohol. [Colors for her design: Blue, Deep Purples, Browns. Closest Relationships: Gemini and Aries. Human Name: Nova.] Butch Grey-Aromantic Homosexual/Femmesexual

Aquarius is an analytical and selfless individual. They approach solutions to situations practically and objectively, even if their heart tells them otherwise. They keep their emotions bottled up most of the time, and if they’re doing something, there’s a high chance they’re doing it for someone else. Before, that was okay, since it was just the Zodiacs; but on Earth, it makes her a bit of a doormat. She’s one of the more morally-misguided Zodiacs, and she can’t really identify when something is criminal. She has a hard time remembering that she can’t say things like “human pleasantries” or call people insignificant compared to herself. They like being alone a lot, but they’re not antisocial. [Colors for her design: Light-Blue, Silver. Closest Relationships: Leo and Sagittarius. Human Name: Aqua no she did not try.] Aromantic Asexual(will not kiss the homies u~u)

Capricorn is pretty much “i’m surrounded by idiots”, but they’re his idiots and he knows he loves them. He doesn't look anything special, but he can and will throw you across the room if you fuck with him or his idiots, especially when he’s tired. He is peak sarcastic bitch and has pretty solid bullshit detector. If one of the Zodiacs is asleep where they shouldn’t be or they’re just leaving somewhere, he usually hoists them over his shoulder. He’s generally reserved but the Hug Pile™, or really extreme amounts of platonic affection in general, make him really soft; half because he’s surprised that they honestly care for him that much. [Colors for his design: Brown, Black, Grey, Yellow, Yellow-Orange. Closest Relationships: Taurus and Cancer. Human Name: Kai.] Aromantic Asexual(will be kissed by the homies owo)

holy fukcing shit is that it. am i finally fucking done. oh sweet jesus im crying this took me so fucking long

sorry if anyone was worried about me, i’m fine. Art, drabbles, and headcanons for this are allowed, but please link this post and/or tag me(or just send it in asks). i’ll try to be productive on this, tho itll probably be in the form of mini scenarios and incorrect quotes.

Here are the songs that kept me from kms while i made this: Lost One’s Weeping by Neru, Namine Ritsu-Error by kyaami, Yukune Ruko-I Don’t Wanna Know by Narcissus, Nakakapagpabagabag by Dasu, Madness of Duke Venomania Eng Sub by IkuSuperbia, v flower-Close to You by kyaami, My Nocturnal Serenade by YOHIO, Len’s Growl-Ghost Rule by Teto Chan!, Fukase English-Never Gonna Give You Up, Fukase English-Your Reality.

pls feed me validation on this i tried so hard my brain hurts

[brvdleymilligan]

HLO slinks in thru a bead curtain.......... truly sry this took me so long to concoct bt i’m here now, hand on hip, smiling coyly at u all...... i’m nai n i’m rly excited to b here so i’ll just dive right in!! u can find bradley’s pinterest board here n her muse tag here. like this or hmu for plots!

[ cis female, she/her, margaret qualley , twenty-four ] i can’t be sure, but i think i just saw BRADLEY MILLIGAN drive onto the parkway. don’t they know we’re not supposed to be driving on that haunted road right now? maybe it has to do with the fact that they’re so +RESILIENT and -VOLATILE that makes them feel UNPHASED about everything going on. i guess we could also chalk it up to the fact that they’re always reminding me of LEMON IN A FRESH CUT, THE AMBER BLINK OF AN ANGRY ALLEY CAT, GRINNING WITH BLOOD ON YOUR TEETH. either way, i hope they get back safely. [ nai, she/her, 24, gmt ]

aesthetics: singeing a hole in your fishnets with the cherry of a menthol, spitting a pistachio behind the bar just to hear it ping off the nozzle top bottles, lemon in a fresh cut, a war torn poppy standing alone in an empty field, pressing thumbs to yellow bruises, stomping over flowerbeds when there’s a path right besides it, dangling over ledges just to feel your chest jolt, a snarling rottweiler that needs muzzling, limp feet poking out behind a door, ‘I PROMISE I DON’T BITE’ scrawled on a name tag, slapping a bald head in front of you at the cinema like it’s a bongo, not owning a single jacket that isn’t stolen, driving a stranger’s car down the wrong lane against the screaming traffic, hair more feral than a wolf cub and eyes smudgier than a coal mine.  

BACKGROUND:

ok SO. her father owns a strip club in crescent hill named no angels. it’s kind of.... a seedy establishment i won’t lie. hs a red glowing sign like it’s lighting up a window in amsterdam. cigarette butts floating in oil slick puddles outside. unsavoury characters crawling all over like rats in a sewer. despite this it’s a legitimate business on the surface of things n it does pretty well in trade. it’s like.... that place people warn u NOT to have ur bachelor party at unless u fancy urself the type tht willingly enters a lion’s den bt tht almost??? adds to the allure in a way??? ppl r like wow so sketchy it’s the thrill of a lifetime........ i mean run while u still can bt go off i guess

it isn’t Confirmed Public Knowledge bt it’s pretty heavily implied thru the rumour mill that bradley’s father is the head of a gang of rly............ Not Nice people. all the ppl that work for him u would hands down NOT want to run into in a dark alley. while things seem legitimate on the suface it’s pretty clear they’re into shady dealings n the townsfolk that suspect that would indeed b correct! the club’s a front for a drug business n they’re also washing n running counterfeit cash thru it. they probably also have their hands dipped into a few other local businesses to run their cash thru these too n keep it all seemingly by the books so nobody comes sniffing around. they even r friends with a member of local law enforcement that’s working w them for a cut so they honestly have all bases covered to keep things airtight n foolproof. perhaps a business in reed too which bradley oversees bt i haven’t given this Too Much thought as of yet??

so ya she’s grown up fairly local most of her life n would maybe be known around town as such.................. the milligans r certainly Interesting as far as families go so like. it honestly wldn’t surprise me if ppl nudge elbows when they see one of them coming n immediately walk in the opposite direction. just quite an intimidating presence...... they’re like caged animals where ur specifically instructed NOT to stick ur fingers between the bars bc they WILL bite

on a more personal note her dad is pretty much the worst human being alive n bradley hs like….. a lot of issues with herself as a result of years of toxicity n abuse

in terms of more family bkground info her mum’s name was alyssa n she vanished when bradley was 12. jst like…. into thin air. nothing. no note. zilch. gan! n when bradley asked her dad abt it his response was essentially “guess she didn’t love us enough to stay”. as bradley’s got older tho n become (without intention) more involved in the business side of things, it’s become pretty clear there was far more to the story.

(abuse tw) they had a horrible marriage n tony ws emotionally manipulative at the best of times, violent at worst, which didn’t help the fact tht alyssa ws struggling a lot w severe depression n rly just… not in the mindset to b dealing w anything else, even where motherhood ws concerned. bradley p much… would look after her a lot n they’d both b scared of her dad n it was just a whole unhealthy mess.

(death implied tw) anyway im rambling bt basically tony (bradley’s dad) gt wind of alyssa sleeping w men tht worked fr him n he just… got rid. bradley’s kind of worked out over the yrs tht her mum didn’t jst leave on her own accord n tht something must hav happened to her bt she’s too scared of her dad to ever directly accuse him

when her mum went all of her dad’s cruelty pretty mch got channelled straight onto her. it ws diluted between two before bt as u can probably imagine her upbringing was jst…. a steep downhill decline

(drugs implied tw) she learnt ways 2 deal w the incurring trauma bt they weren’t healthy ones at all! bsically jst. will do or take anything fr the distraction. chases a thrill like it’s the only way to remind her she’s alive. has absolutely no regard fr her own wellbeing n often gets other ppl in trouble too bc she’s so insatiably reckless

(hospitalisation tw) she hd….2 separate stints of psychiatric hospitalisation n she never tlks abt it. like ever. acknowledging she’s been vulnerable is her worst nightmare n bc of the way her dad raised her she always thinks any sign of struggling within herself is weakness. truly does…. not kno how to properly emotion

CUT TO!!!! the present. she’s currently living at the motel which is like. the least homely place she cld ever live rly but bradley loves making her life uncomfortable n doesn’t rly believe in growing sentimentally attached to anything if she cn help it <3 probably gets into arguments all the time w her neighbours it’s a whole thing.... atrocious at feeding herself has breakfasts frm the vending machine like her organs aren’t screaming fr vegetables.... plays music too loud n sometimes vanishes for days at a time without a word. she’s a lot.

i honestly feel like the murders haven’t rly phased bradley too hugely....... i won’t lie she probably genuinely is like. oh maybe it’s smthn to do w my dad. n just blinks the other way not rly that phased. on some subconscious level i think she rly just thinks........ death follows her wherever she goes n is like. this is just life for me! kind of depressing. holds her hand bt then screams n pulls away when she inevitably bites me.

PERSONALITY:

the kind of sour cherry only certain people have a taste for

once drank a bottle of whiskey, insisted she could still do a cartwheel and accidentally kicked an old man’s front tooth out in the process. proceeded 2 collapse into a flower bed and laugh so much abt it that she cried

barely takes anything seriously 50% of the time and is angry the other 50%

if she was a coffee she’d be black with five grains of sugar that you couldn’t taste until the last sip

(alcoholism tw) high functioning alcoholic. if u ever see her w a coffee cup u jst kno tht one sniff will confirm high alcohol percentage. honestly idk hw she does it her liver must b yellin

loyal to a point of fault. if she cares abt u (rare) and u murder a man in cold blood (not so rare in the broad scheme of bradley’s life) she’ll brawl anyone that says ur guilty

honestly wld probably fight a person over anything. sometimes she’ll jst be having a bad day n she’ll burst n take it out on whoever says the wrong thing. minefield!

has the worst luck in romance…. ever. ALL her past bfs hav been absolute beasts n as a result she has the ‘romance is dead n love is a lie’ mentality. definitely NOT a romantic. very cut n dry abt these things. sex is mostly just sex n she’d kind of scoff at anyone that wanted more from her

mostly wears stolen clothes from strangers and jackets that swamp her. huge chunky stomping boots with steel toe caps that would RLY bruise if they gave u a kick. hair is p much always a wild mess n she usually hs kind of smudgy/smoky makeup bcos apparently she’s allergic to combs and generally looking presentable… relatable content. the only time she rly looks put together is when she has to do something/go somewhere/see someone on behalf of her father....... he kind of uses her as a sort of. honey pot sometimes fr shit his gang get up to it’s like. not! a way u should ever utilise ur daughter but :/ i cannot stress enough how much i wna drop kick him in the neck

she’s v sarcastic. blunt. kind of has a habit of…. assessing a person n she’s quite perceptive bc she’s been trained to b by the way she always has to monitor her dad’s expression fr the slightest emotion change. she’s very confident n can p much mke a conversation out of whatever if she feels like it. independent too like she hs a bunch of (predominantly surface connection) friends bt she doesn’t care abt going out places alone n does this often. she’s probably kind of known around town bt itd b a 50/50 balance between bein known as intimidating n bein known as that one girl tht always gets into anarchy

likes: drunken snow angels that drag on so long they flirt with pneumonia, stealing cars, throwing watermelons off rooftops to watch them explode, shooting pedestrian’s with bb guns from hidden spots on rooftops. 

dislikes: telling the truth, tulips so yellow it’s like they’re gloating, playing music loud enough to fry your brain and serve it on a piece of toast, going home.

PLOTS:

someone tht works at the ‘no angels’ strip club?? either as a dancer or bartender or whtever. just a forewarning it’s probably gna b a pretty….. seedy and Not That Pleasant environment bc it’s like. a crime hotspot inevitably bc it’s a gang hangout so. ur chara wld truly be in fr a rollercoaster ride to say the least

(drugs tw) she deals coke fr her dad’s gang so perhaps ur muse buys off her

anyone….. she’s brawled in the past like. she’s literally a menace i cnt express this enough. wil jst randomly throw a drink in someone’s face fr no reason bc she’s bored. she’s probably pissed off 1000 diff ppl in 1000 diff ways. the possibilities r endless n i jst think tht’s a sexy prospect!

fwbs perhaps??? exes??? (probably ws a tumultuous relationship honestly bradley is. a handful...... it’s also rly not often she ties herself down tbh so this would maybe have to b discussed/be circumstantial/kind of rare)

mayb someone tht she met at an aa meeting when she hd to go fr a court mandated thing one time after bein arrested fr public indecency. i feel like there’s probably a rly expensive statue somewhere thts fancily sculpted n she like. did a flying kick n broke the dick of it off n gt arrested fr it

ppl she……. Goes Wild Goes Crazy w. truly jst the most self destructive person alive so anyone w a similar mindset wld b a hellish bt fun combination

on the contrary a gd influence cld b nice perhaps? like someone tht genuinely cares abt her n she jst doesn’t kno hw to compute it

maybe people who r her neighbours that live at the motel too??

OH it could b fun if ur muse runs or works at a local business maybe like. a bar? idk? n bradley n ur muse have developed a rapport bc she frequents the place n is................ a Character

um. honestly the world’s our oyster. hmu n we cn brainstorm if none of tht catches ur eye!

[cockbiteproductions]

multiples of 8, except in the misc section. all even numbers for the misc section

200: My crush’s name is: well well well this question again. you’re not getting anything out of me!!! they fucking use this website!!!

192: I am allergic to: nothing. but i found out like yesterday not everyone gets dermatographia and im kinda annoyed. what do you mean your skin doesnt get red and puffy the moment you touch it......

184: Xbox or ps3: xbox solely because of ah

176: Last YouTube video watched: my watch history says this, which is a scene from a show called billions. this scene in particular is about my favorite character asking about their introduction scene with their former mentor figure that they quickly outranked and asking why they were picked for the internship that lead them down this [entire shitpath].

168: Luck: [long sigh]. [puts on clown makeup].

[obi wan voice] im my experience there’s no such thing as luck. 

[rian voice] luck? there’s probability plausibility and actuality. luck is superstition. luck is lazy math. [winston voice] that’s what i always say.

160: Soul mates: again souls arent real..... nor do i believe that people are “meant for each other” on any sort of cosmic/larger level. you are more compatible with people based on your upbringing and your interests and your values and those are adaptable over time though some people are so different that they will never get along and other people match/complement each other incredibly well.

152: Phone or Online: lmaoooo this questionnaire once again showing its age. throwback to when these things weren’t synonymous. online for sure. what am i gonna do with a phone? talk to someone with my fucking voice? i think not.

144: Oranges or Apples: to eat by themselves? probably apples since they are easier and less of a mess. and apples are more consistently better than oranges. oranges, it’s easy to get a batch that just sucks. juiced? probably orange. i love me some fuckin orange juice. but i like apple cider more than orange juice.

136: Hillary or Obama: lmaoooo again.. the age of this. 2008 or 2012. going to guess 2008. obama but not like. enthusiastically. while he was certainly better than [what we got going on now] he still bombed the hell outta some countries......

128: Manicure or Pedicure: ive never had either but i would probably be more comfortable with a manicure. people touching my feet would make me ticklish.

120: Gay Marriage: the only type that should be allowed. sorry straights youre no longer allowed to get married. /s obviously.

112: Facebook: oh BOY are you fucking ready. are you???? im starting the readmore NOW because this is going to be something. i doubt anyone except robots maybe will actually read my deranged pro-privacy anti-facebook/social media/surveillance rant but im angry every time i think about it and if i were a more important person than a rando on the internet with a keyboard im sure facebook would hire someone to kill me one day.

FUCK FACEBOOK. FUCK THAT SHITTY ASS WEBSITE THAT AT EVERY TURN HAS BEEN REVEALED TO HAVE HORRIFYING PRACTICES OF DATA COLLECTION.

but before that, they need to pay some goddamn fucking taxes. they are profiting off the data of billions of people and getting away with paying SO LITTLE back. 

you ever hear about deepface? no this is not the beginning of a prequel meme. deepface is facebook’s facial recognition technology and facial recognition is fucking terrifying. that shit is as good as humans at facial recognition at this point. does that not scare you? that a bunch of computers can figure out if this photo contains you or not? it’s one thing if humans recognize each other, but another thing when computers who can process data almost infinitely faster than humans can are able to do it. the scale and speed at which these fucking nightmares operates is hard for us to imagine and so we are all not scared enough of what they can do. this kind of technology is so deeply privacy violating it’s hard for me to stress it enough. every image of you ever uploaded on the internet could possibly be put through facial recognition tech. and with the fact that there are cameras literally everywhere at all times now at this point it’s so fucking possible that if desired, someone could find out where you are at all times. and that gets SO scary when used by governments. are you comfortable with your government knowing where YOU are at all times? yes? what about if tomorrow your government is overthrown by a group of radicals you completely disagree with? you still comfortable with that? facial recognition is kind of a fucking pandoras box that we are opening and now that we have the technology available to us, unless we actively take steps back from it, it WILL eventually/already is being used in malicious, intensely privacy invasive ways.

and everything in that above bullet point goes for ALL DATA COLLECTED ON YOU, EVER. everything you’ve ever said on facebook is probably put through some multi layered neural network fucking robot who is learning how to understand what humans say on your input and also cataloging things about you as a person. it is doing SO MUCH more than reading the exact text of what you are saying and then picking up on keywords. neural networks are an attempt to copy how humans think by making an artificial version of a brain basically. in simple terms it’s a map of points and connections and you feed it data for a while and tell it what the desired outcome should be. it will adjust those connections and the weight of those points based on your data and expected outcome. that change in connections and weights is how it learns. then after a while it has fed on enough data that it will begin to expect what your desired outcome is. now imagine millions and millions of connections and points. it’s fucking huge. you ever hear about how we don’t know how machine learning/deep learning/neural networks works? this is that. it’s because they are so large and they have changed their weights and points so much that we no longer understand how it makes its decisions. ml is on a deeper level starting to understand what you mean when you say words. like a human. and can pick up nuances humans cannot because of its perfect memory. do you understand how scary this is? do you? i really do not know how to express this better how absolutely buckshit wild and terrifying the idea that everything i say online can be scraped and put through a robot and a profile on me and who i am and my ideals can be gathered almost instantly. how hard would it be to write a scraper that goes to my blog and grabs the text of every post in my talk tag? and then there’s free and open source nlp software (or you can pay for it) and you can feed in everything ive said on this blog ever. you can go to my facebook. you can go to my twitter. you can find my profiles on every online platform ive ever used and take everything ive ever said and determine what kind of person i am based on that. and then you can then make further distinctions based on that data. (sidenote: facebook wouldnt have to scrape the data on my profile, it’s all in their databases already. they have everything ive ever posted on public or private, on my old profile i’ve deactivated, every photo ive posted or been tagged in, everything ive ever uploaded to their servers or have been associated with.) and someone or robot can make decisions about me based on that data. it could just be am i likely to buy [this product] or it could be something much more like am i a threat? am i dangerous to you, the person using this data about me? what are my politics? what are my views on [this topic]? are they too extreme? should i be denied [real life thing] based on what this machine has determined about me from my data online? not to sound fucking crazy, but you ever watch that episode of black mirror? nosedive? and its system where you can rate interactions with people? how this one girl was trying to increase her ranking so she would qualify for a cheaper price on housing? how we’re already starting to see things like this in real life with china’s social credit system?

call me a fucking wack job but i think it’s so deeply creepy that we have digitized so many aspects of our lives and leave machines we no longer understand how they make their decisions to analyze every bit of data about ourselves.

by the fucking way facebook tracks data on people WHO DO NOT USE FACEBOOK. FACEBOOK TRACKS DATA ON PEOPLE. WHO. DO. NOT. USE. FACEBOOK. are you scared? i am.

i’ve been thinking about this tweet from @/malwaretech on twitter from a few days ago. text: On a serious note, social media tracking is more extensive than you may think. For example: those Facebook 'like' buttons you see on every website? They call home. If you're logged into your FB account, it records that you visited that web page, even if you don't click 'like'. doesn’t that sound a lil fucked up to anyone else? that facebook knows that i visited that webpage even though i did not tell it? that it will use that data to build a better profile on what my interests are and that it will use that data to better sell ads to me? i’ll be honest i am unsure of if facebook sells that information to other vendors. i think that might be not allowed but i wouldn’t be surprised if that data somehow got into the hands of people who arent facebook.

the fact that for the longest time you could NOT get your data deleted from facebook? that even if you deactivated your account facebook would still keep all of that in their shit ass servers forever? as far as i know, that’s changed now, but i would not at all be surprised if the next day it was revealed that facebook was Actually Keeping all that info anyways

the fact that by default facebook’s privacy settings are set to allow anyone to see most info about you? just this whole opt out culture is so fucking wack. it should be opt in. your privacy settings should default on the MOST PRIVATE and it should be up to you to ACTIVELY SEARCH OUT how to change them to public. it is ON FACEBOOK to actively cultivate privacy but of fucking course they don’t.

lmao cambridge analytica politics russia brexit trump. i don’t have the energy to even open this fucking can of worms but i will say that again, another layer of deeply fucked up that political campaigns can use that data to try to coerce or influence elections.

do you remember when in 2019. yes twenty. fucking. nineteen. 2019. two thousand and nineteen. 2019. i dont know how more to stress how recent but late this is. 2019. facebook admitted that it and instagram were still. STILL. STILL. S T I L L. storing passwords as plaintext? meaning your password that is “password123ilovedogs” is stored AS “password123ilovedogs” in their database. it is STANDARD AND EXPECTED PRACTICE that websites store SECURE hashes of passwords (not like fucking. md5 or something) meaning you do a bunch of fucking “irreversible” math on the password and store that instead of the actual password itself. so the db would be storing “298!79v@w8W#R;3,f9jf” instead of your actual password. anyways face. fucking. book. was storing passwords as plain text. which means if they ever have a data breach on their passwords db then all that data inside will just be your actual goddamn password. your actual goddamn password. what the fuck? what the fuck? and we still use this website? we? me? i use this website daily? i use this website on a daily fucking basis and allow it to continue to collect information on me? im so goddamn angry.

the fact that now in this day and age you are considered weird for not having any social media? super fucked up. the fact that employers will check your social media and if you don’t have one that is somehow a red flag? weird as hell. why must we participate in the world’s largest data collection scandal ever just to be a member of society? i cannot choose to opt out. facebook collects data on me even if i do not have an account. society expects me to have some form of social media and if i do not then that i am the weird one for it. if you choose to live a life of trying not to be tracked it is almost impossible. can you live your life in modern society without an email address? without a smartphone or laptop? there is an expectation that every person is available to communicate with digitally and if you find the practice of data collection abhorrent and don’t want to use websites that do so, then you’re the weird one who has a LOT of society’s services unavailable to you.

im not going to even touch on the psychological effects that facebook and social media have on people other than to ONCE AGAIN, say they are very real and deeply fucked up.

by the way check out haveibeenpwned. enter your email and it’ll check against databases to see if your email has been on recent dumps. i have been. lately there have been a few older accounts of mine that have been breached and it’s terrifying.

fuck jesse eisenberg man he fucked over spiderman crazy

fuck faang. fuck big tech. fuck data collection. btw edward snowden is a hero. fuck all of this.

104: The future: man we’re in for it. i am not optimistic about it at all. too much tech progression / not enough foresight / expansion/globalization of the world / global warming / political and economic issues are all coming to a head to make the world a fucking disaster.

96: Changed a diaper: never done it! i am not around children often.

88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: having a vague idea of where things are locally. im very bad with directions.

86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: answered already.

84: People call me: yeesa, apparently. i have a fair amount of nicknames but i just call myself teresa.

82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: sure haven’t though i deserve one

80: The first person i talked to today was: soph​ because she wakes up at a normal goddamn time so i’ll sometimes have a text from her from a few hrs ago

76: Right now I am talking to: milo and a discord server im in for a group of friends i made when i was applying to college. though i havent responded in quite a while since i went on my angry facebook rant.

74: I have/will get a job: well i HAD a job for the beginning of the summer when i was a TA but i do not any more as that was first summer semester only. hopefully in the fall i’ll have a job as a TA again but who knows. and then after that when i graduate i hope hope hope hope hope i will have a job lined up.

72: Today: woke up. made a plum smoothie. played minecraft. took a nap. here i am. it’s all very riveting.

70: Next Weekend: it’ll happen for sure. odds are i will be waking up and eating food and coming on the internet and chatting with friends and doing a bit of writing and trying to learn a bit more html.

68: The worst sound in the world: answered already.

66: People that make you happy: will roland lmao. 

64: My friends are: well it’s basically the same people i tagged in my last post on people who make me happy.

62: My School: you tryin to doxx me? it’s alright. not the best for my major. and also stupidly trying to reopen for the fall because theyre greedy and idiots. it was like my 5th choice school but it is what it is.....

60: I lose all respect for people who: already answered

58: Your hair color is: black as fuck. im east asian.

56: Favorite web site: controversial but archive of our own dot org i guess. i believe in their mission and like how they have advocated for fans and have created a fan-owned space on the internet. they’re not perfect but i overall support them.

54: The worst pain I was ever in was: answered already

52: My room is: a time capsule of what i liked in late middle school/early high school.

50: Where would you like to be: im fine where i am. maybe visiting friends though. i would like to Hang With Them and Do Fun Activities.

48: Ever been in love: who’s to say....... what is love? (baby don’t hurt me). but for real the concept of love is weird to me, especially romantic love. i don’t know. i’ve certainly obsessed over people. i’ve noticed i kind of “pick people” to have crushes on. i can’t really say why. but then it creates a feedback loop of i pay more attention to them -> i think more about them -> i like them more. so i’ve made conscious decisions that have lead to me obsessing over people.

46: More guy friends or girl friends: girl but that’s just because people in fandom spaces tend to be women and most of my friends ive made through fandom.

44: One person that you wish you could see right now: kaity is coming to my town but we cant see each other because of a pandemic so im kinda fucking miffed about that. i didn’t get to see maria before she left my state so i’m also miffed about that.

42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: lmaooooo no. i would just like to be satisfied with my life. would like to see friends. do fun things with them. 

40: Last person I got mad at: idk im not generally a mad person. mark zuckerberg probably.

38: I wish I was a professional: as in i suddenly have all the skills and talent needed to be a professional? i think a director &|| writer tbh. i would love to have the Creative Vision necessary to come up with dope ideas AND translate what i have in mind into real life. i would love the ability to be able to tell compelling stories that mean a lot to people.

32: Athlete: lmao if it was 2008 or 2012 i would ahve said ryan lochte but nevermind. idk. maybe katie ledecky.

24: Movie: am not much one for movies...... star trek 2009.

16: Book: i don’t know how to read.

8: Yankee candle scent: idk about yankee candle specifically but i love the smell of apple. 

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

y’know i keep going down the facebook watch hole and keep getting recommended the same fucking stand up comedy skit/bit videos over and over again.... and i just realised that one of the ones that i’ve seen plenty of times now is some random male comedian (usually either british or american) that always has a joke about “what i (they) can get away with” in their relationship and other jokes about their wives who are always, always tired bc they’re looking after the kids more often than they are.

for example, one particular bit that gets suggested to me frequently on fb watch, is a british comedian whose like “y’know i’ve been with my wife for 7 years now so we’re long term 😍. *pauses for applause and thanks the audience for being nice* but now i’m at that stage where i like to see what i can get away with.... so i leave an empty milk bottle in the fridge just to piss her off! and i leave my dishes just by the dishwasher for the same thing!!!! hahahahaha how hilarious and relatable am i right?????!!!! 😂😅 im such a typical jokester!”

then another one of this british guy’s jokes is about his kids and how parenting sucks.... and there’s one bit in it where he says: “arms up! arms up! arms in! arms in! arms down! arms down!” in a mock commanding voice first, and then he says: (that’s my wife. she’s soooo tired that she can’t even dress herself!!! 😂)” and then he imitates her to end the joke. like. it’s the totally annoying bumbling husband trope that you always get in sitcoms.... just in real life. and now i realise that. like put your fucking half of the bloody work in, michael.

all the american male comedians also make similar types of marriage/relationship/parenting jokes. some of them are ones where their wives yell at them, and it makes them “scared”.... and then their kid is all like: “but you’re daddy? you’re the man of the house? and then they go: LIKE YOU’RE GODDAMNED RIGHT KIDDO! I AINT LISTENING TO YOUR MOMMY. WHO THE HELL IS THIS MOMMY PERSON ANYWAY??!! WHO THE HELL DOES SHE THINK SHE IS???”

and then it turns out their kid has a bad allergic reaction to the thing they wanted. or whatever... but like it’s all set up like the comedian is the bumbling parent who forgot that his own kid had an allergy to, like, a juice or something else. like yes... it is funny and relatable on one level. but like. you really forgot that your own frickin kid has an allergy to apple juice, kayden? like are you fucking kidding me???? y’all should fucking remember that???? but i guess not. whatever.

like yes part of it is probs bc being a comedian means you’re away from your kids a lot because of touring life etc.... so that you could probably forget that your kid(s) has/have an allergy/allergies..... but like..... if you were a decent fucking person, you fucking wouldn’t???? bc that joke finishes up with them going to the hospital bc their kid has swelled up badly bc of their allergic reaction and is in like anaphylactic shock or whatever. like well bloody done for fucking forgetting that. you totally relatable bumbling dad!!!! you’re just so funny and honest 😅!!!! but if this was a female comedian telling this joke instead, there would at least a little bit of backlash for that, right??? bc mothers always have to remember what allergies or whatever their kid(s) has/have.

like yeah anyways. this has been kind of bothering me lately..... and it just made me realise that men do this in real life and like.... it makes me realise that these male comedians aren’t really that great after all, despite all of their success lmao.

because, in my opinion, these jokes just reinforce that guys can be shitty and lazy in their relationships all the time, bc as an example: “look babe, my fave comedian does it!!! it’s so funny that i piss you off by refusing to do the laundry properly or even at ALL, isn’t babe??? isnt it fucking hilarious that i don’t do the dishes properly or help you with doing them, babe???? it’s cute and funny that i forget that our own child has a pretty bad allergy to apple juice isn’t, honey???? but oh no, IM THE DADDY SO I’M ALWAYS RIGHT AND EVERYBODY LISTENS TO ME 😂😅!!!”

like nah, rodney, get fucked. do the fucking dishes for your wife when shes stressed asf. and hey, sam, how about you bloody do more stuff with your kids in your downtime from touring etc, so that your wife isn’t so fucking tired all the time??? how about you fucking remember that YOUR OWN GODDAMNED CHILD has a fucking bad allergy to apple juice, or nuts, or whatever else, derrick?

bc this isn’t actually fucking funny. fucking take some time & effort with your kids and your wife.... and also in your family life in general, you lazy pieces of shit. like i wouldn’t be surprised if your wives/girlfriends/partners end up leaving you at some point tbh. god. like you’re all in your mid 30s to like idk maybe mid 40s or what-the-fuck-ever.... and you’re still acting like fucking 18 year old boys to your wives???? and intentionally (and possibly routinely) forget important shit about your kids????

honestly grow the fuck up and get your fucking heads out of your stupid fucking asses. christ. bc this is why we have so many useless, “bumbling”, but very obviously lazy and childish/selfish men in their 20s lmao.

[aliferous-ly]

ya girl back at it again with the headcanon splat of ideas, splabbles if you will

(drabbles, splat, sprabbles, yes? no? i’ll see myself out)

FARMER BOY VIRGIL

yknow analogical is just so good so why not duderinos lez go

yes yes this is strange but hear me out

virgil lives on a farm with his grandparents and two cousins

u guys are v creative im sure you could come up with wonderful people to be them, shorts characters or cartoon therapy characters or ocs

he likes gardening mostly while his cousins take care of animals n stuff

but he does have a pet goat named Anx who he loves dearly, he would die for her tbh

side note on Anx she was a v nervous lil kid and he was the only one who managed to calm her down

she liked the smell of his big hoodie and his hands smell like plants 

she lets other people milk her but she heavily heavily prefers virgil, and gets stressed when she doesnt see him for a day or two 

he’s 100% ok with this

AGAIN MORE UNDER THE CUT I JUST KNOW ITS GONNA GET LONG

they go to a farmer’s market every saturday morning, it’s 9am to 2pm

they sell fruits from their orchard and veggies from the garden

originally virgil didn’t go at all, he stayed back to ‘watch the farm’ but he really just. freaked out a lot about dealing with people 

his gparents understood and so did his cousins, plus then his cousins get more pocket change lollll

(they give virgil some because virgil ~basically~ grew all the veggies and some fruits /raspberries mostly/)

eventually virgil goes, one of his cousins convince him bcuz this one stand has honeycomb and he’s literally obsessed with honey and bees, forever sad their farm doesnt have any (one of his cousins are deeply afraid of bees + allergic, and virgil would never get bees w them so scared)

anyway he goes to the farmers market and mostly sits behind their stand in the back

at one point he works up the courage to go to the honey stand which is like. right next stand

there’s so much honey 

so much

they’re all different colors and have different flower labels on them , and there are even some books people can look through, and a tiny brochure almost that has lil facts on bees

he’s in awe he just loves it all so much

anyway he clears his throat and buys some honeycomb from the man behind the counter, who has glasses and a tie and a lil nametag that says “Logan”

Virgil goes back to his stand even though he wants to stay there so bad and read about BEES

he loves BEES

~ fast forward to the next week ~

he goes and its wonderful he buys some acacia honey

to go with his tea

he loves tea

the dude selling it is different tho, he’s wearing sunglasses and a flannel shirt rolled up to the elbows, unbuttoned with a white undershirt virgil’s bidar (get it bisexual gaydar) starts going off 

dude has a nametag “Remy” which sounds p cool to virgil’s deviantart oc ears

anyway he slinks back to his fam’s stand

and they teach him how to sell and he realizes it’s . pretty easy, people buying fresh veggies in a farmer’s market are usually not Super Angry

two boys walk by, one wearing a wicked t-shirt and the other with a black t-shirt and a tie

“how much would you give me if I ate a raw radish” wicked t-shirt boy says

“fifty cents” tie boy replies

“that’s it? the radish costs more than that!”

“I’ll buy the radish then”

he buys the radish and virgil links tie boy to bee boy and blurts out “hey, i know you!” 

logan blinks at him. “yes i work at the bee stand. this is roman, sometimes he works at the gelato stand.”

logan gives the raw radish to roman and he just. chomp

he spits it out like five seconds later and virgil can’t help laughing, esp because logan’s face is so smug

“fifty cents lost. what a waste”

“stfu”

virgil thinks this is hilarious 

~ fast forward again yey ~

time passes and virgil hangs out w bee man logan bcuz logan figured out virgil’s obsession with bees are like his so they just. geek out. over bees

i love them

roman works at the gelato stand sometimes because his sisters and mom usually are there, but when he does work there he sometimes drags his friend patton along and they work together 

virgil had never had gelato before . roman and patton think this is a True Crime,

logan finds out about how virgil wants to take care of bees or see them or literally . something. he’s starved. but he cant because of his cousin

so logan invites virgil to his house. he and his brother remy work the stand , his parents were involved in the start but now they just let their boys do their thing 

they live somewhat in the country? but not on a farm just a house with. a lot of land

logan has a whole system down and virgil is so fascinated with it and 

i cant believe they fall in love over bees 

so many honey puns too bad i suck at puns

someone hmu with a good punny name for this bee au

roman, remy, patton, virgil’s two cousins, and virgil’s grandma all have a betting pool over when they’re getting together. roman and remy have the biggest money in the pot, followed closely by virgil’s gma 

break to breath omfg so many bulletmarks

ok we resume

logan visits virgil one day and virgil’s grandma gives them a cherry pie and tells em to enjoy it in virgil’s tree house thing

it’s like a platform in the trees p much, with branches surrounding it

virgil keeps honey up there because he doesnt want his fam to steal it from him 

but he doesnt remember having spoons

theyre chilling in the tree house, eating cherry pie with spoons directly from the pie tin, being eternal icons

logan picks up one of the honey jars and it’s his honey

virgil mumbles something about how much he loves lavender honey, and logan always has some of it 

logan flushes and says that he keeps one hidden until virgil comes over to his stand, so virgil always had one to buy. if he didnt buy it logan would sneak it back under the counter for next week

now they’re both blushing messes

virgil looks at his spoon, and at the honey, and just. snatch

and he gets a spoonful of honey, not too full so he doesnt accidentally spill because his hands are shaking so bad, and he holds it out to logan, feeling like his heart is about to burst

virgil and logan feel a charge in the air and virgil is so so nervous

logan slowly. slowly leans forward wraps his mouth around the spoonful of honey, pulling away just as gradually

logan feels like he’s going to explode

anyway after logan did That virgil just . squeaked and covered his face with his hands and scarf 

(side headcanon when its not cold enough for sweatshirts he has some cloth to cover his face if he gets embarrassed, because just hands feels too oily for him)

their faces are so red

they leave the treehouse hand in hand and the betting pool is OVER !! they finally did it!!! they got together!!!!!

(virgil’s gma wins the pool)

(they think she planned it out but they have no proof)

(she did)

(100%)

anyway honeybee gays is slaying me in this chillis tonight join me in this pit

MINI BONUS ROYALITY BCUZ THIS IS SO LONG ALREADY

roman’s family makes the gelato themselves

mostly

patton loves giving random flavor suggestions

before they got together there was so much pining, so many pet names but “it’s just platonic!! :’)”

after they got together there’s so many gelato dates

many many pet names , they see who can come up with the most sugary

logan and virgil die basically when they’re around them/go on double dates

relationship competitions , ie who can win at chicken at the pool

all of roman’s sisters love patton so much

(there’s three of them but one of them has a v serious gf so roman counts her as the fourth)

super cute 

#relationshipgoals

[wongpuppy]

FATED, huang xuxi

↳ Rating lots of fluff + slight crack

↳ Pairing player!Xuxi x Y/N

↳ Word count 5k [ one-shot / soulmate!au ]

↳ Summary the red thread of fate was real after all, managing to make something out of nothing

Red Thread of Fate: ancient Chinese mythology about the lunar matchmaking god Yuè Lâo tying a red thread around the ankles of destined lovers at the age of 21; regardless of place, time, or circumstances.

The DJ played hectic, bass heavy EDM tracks that contrasted drastically to the semi formal themed party. You down the red of the alcoholic contents in the red solo cup with a wide smile, turning to your best friend Ella.

“Thank you for forcing me to come! I’m having the time of my life!”

Stress has been your closest best friend lately, with all the exams and projects being thrown at you. So when Ella asked you to go out with her, you were definitely more than hesitant at first.

You throw your hands in the air and Ella smirks at you. “I told you you’d have a blast.”

The sea breeze flows through your hair when you close your eyes and throw your head back, appreciating the open decked yacht and everything this extravagant party had to offer. You were on some random yacht off the coast, still close enough to be able to see the city. The moon was completely full tonight, high and dominating the entire sky.

Your tipsy mind free from troubles and bad thoughts. You felt reborn the moment the time went past midnight.

The DJ announces that it was midnight and the crowd cheers heavily and you join, not really knowing why exactly the mass of people were going crazy.

“You never did tell me what club this is or event this was, you know.” You take another cup of beer from the bar and chug the whole thing down in one go.

Ella’s eyes widen at your question and she laughs nervously, sipping on the cup in her hands. “Funny story, Y/N.”

You motion for her to go along whilst nodding and dancing to the song the DJ played, not really focused on what she was saying.

“This isn’t a club or event.” She sighs and avoids your gaze. Eun says the next sentence quick and all in one breath, knowing exactly how you’re gonna take it. “Its Xuxi’s yacht, and he’s now officially 21!”

Your best friends throws her hands in the air as if to cheers, but you felt every ounce of alcohol fade once she mentions the younger boys name. Whether it was the tequila shots or just how much you hated him, your hearts been racing ever since Xuxi was brought into the conversation.

You knew you could never date a guy younger than you, even if it was just a few months younger like him.

“Are you fucking with me?” Your arms are immediately crossed against your chest as you stare at Ella with a narrow gaze.

Needless to say, Xuxi and your relationship was pretty worse for wear. You loathed him, his intensely cocky personality and ‘i’m richer and better than you’ attitude was a complete turn off. Everything about Huang Xuxi was a complete turn off.

“He invited us.” She shrugged. “You were having so much fun before I mentioned it was his party.”

Invited us? Give me a break. As far as you could tell, Xuxi hated you almost just as much as you hated him. He sneered at you whenever he saw you and even gave you the nickname Top Bitch. Which, to be honest, didn’t really sound all that bad to you.

“Exactly.” You sigh and feel a headache come out of nowhere, leaving you clutching your right temple. “I’m allergic to even the slightest mention of him, I just got a headache. I’ll be back, don’t think you’re in the green.”

You move past the crowd to get towards the bathroom, or anywhere that was at least somewhat quiet. Going inside the large living room, you walk towards a bathroom but when you knock and only hear explicit noises on the other side; you cringe and leave. So you go towards the main bedroom instead, walking in when no one answers your knock.

The empty and quiet room let you release a sigh in happiness, massaging your temples. Contemplating laying down on the large and inviting white bed, you go to the bathroom instead; only feeling your temples throb even more.

You wince as you walk towards and pull open the door to the bathroom only to jump back and shriek at the sight.

None other than Huang Xuxi was leaning against the sleek marble sink, clutching his forehead until he jumped at the sound of the door opening and a girly squeal. You watch him groan and wince before turning to you.

But, amazingly once you connect eyes, the throbbing pain is gone and all you feel is relief. Your shoulders relax, your head feels light, its like a wave of serenity flows all through your body. You couldn’t help but feel so at ease, its like you forgot who you were currently gawking at.

“Y/N?” Xuxi looks at you with dazed, confused eyes before looking you up and down, iris’ doubling size at the sight of your feet. “Oh my god.”

You quickly look down and you instantly get why, mouth falling open.

Your black minidress and strappy black heels allowed for a thin, glowing red thread to wrap and tie itself around your ankle. But it didn’t stop there, you watched in horror as it continued onto the bathrooms tilled floors and under Xuxi’s pants, presumably to tie around his ankle.

You swallow thickly. The string felt like nothing but Xuxi and you could definitely see it, the vibrant red surrounded by a bright white light.

“What the hell is going on? Did you do this? Is this some sort of joke?” You stare at the last visible end of the thread before it disappears under the tall, irritating boys pants. He sighs, still staring at your ankle and the ribbon with a disbelieving look.

“No, princess, its a stupid fairytale my dad used to tell me. Guess its fucking real, huh.” Xuxi squeezes his eyes shut and you’re stood there in the doorway between the bedroom and bathroom still in shook. “Red thread of fate, a Chinese myth about a string that ties around two fated lovers ankles. We’re... We’re soulmates.”

The two of you stare at each other with disbelief written all over your faces, before you burst into laughter. “Thats a joke right? You’re definitely messing with me.”

When Xuxi continues to stare at you with his wide brown eyes, your laughter soon fades when you realize his facial expression wasn’t changing at all. Your face falls and you quickly reach down to your ankle, trying to pull at the string. Your hand just goes through it, as if it was just a hologram.

Your jaw drops. “H-How?”

“I don’t know.” Xuxi replies, eyes watching your hand go through the thread, yet the thread followed your foot wherever it went. “This... This is so fucked up.”

You grumble and give up, sitting on the floor and careful not to flash that guy-your soulmate your undies. Crossing your arms across your chest, the both of your eyes set on the thread connecting the two of you. You swallow thickly when a thought comes to your mind.

“Why aren’t you calling me Top Bitch?”

Thats when you fully take notice that this whole hour consisted of a very different Xuxi, one that hasn’t called you any names or threw a comment at you. He hasn’t cursed at you, hasn’t given you any looks, this was definitely unusual for Xuxi. This Xuxi was full of big, brown eyes that seemed to be permanently dazed. His words were softer, almost as if Xuxi’s voice got gentler the second he turned 21.

Xuxi’s eyes whip to yours and they’re obviously wide. “Holy shit. I haven’t called you that.” He swallows thickly and quickly looks away from your gaze with pink on his cheeks. “I don’t feel like I want to anymore.”

For the first time in the whole three years you’ve known Xuxi, your heart flutters for a second. But that one second is so profound it leaves you clutching your chest and shaking your head slowly.

“What is going on with me?”

“You’re falling for me, Y/N.” Xuxi lightly smirks for the first time since the two of you locked eyes, which is very surprising. He sighs a second later and taps the sink. 

“Shut the fuck up.” You sneer at him and scrunch your face. “This is all my drunk mind and everything will wear off in an hour or two.”

Xuxi sits on the floor leaning against the sinks drawers. “Enjoying my party?” He’s sitting across from you and the end of his feet reach your knees where the ends of yours reach the middle of his calf. You take a quick inhale and look away.

“I guess. Then this crazy migraine came out of nowhere and now I’m here.”

“Same here. But its completely gone now.”

That definitely meant your headaches were connected. There was no way the both of you could get a headache at the same time then have it leave at the same time. 

The red thread. 

Your eyes narrow and you go to nudge his calf, but once your foot touches his leg, it was like adrenaline flew through your bodies, goosebumps instantly rising. And when you looked at the thread, it started to slowly loose its vibrancy. Your eyes widened.

“Xuxi, look, if we’re touching the string gets dimmer and fades really slowly. If I pull away it stops.” You show him and nod to yourself with a small grin. “So it should fade away the more we’re touching.”

When you look up at Xuxi, he looks as if he was daydreaming but looking directly at you. His lips were in a small side smile and eyes low. The way he managed to look at you pretty intimately made your cheeks pink. “I think that’s the first time you’ve said my name.”

“Thats definitely not true.” You scoff and can’t help but laugh under your breath. Xuxi’s grin widens just a little at the sight.

“Lets just say it was then.”

Your grin is unbearably wide and you couldn’t believe it, never once thinking Xuxi of all people would be making you blush. But then you remember that it was Xuxi and you clear your throat and rolled your eyes. “Please, Xuxi, how many other girls have you used that on?”

“If I’m being completely honest, a lot.” Xuxi twists the rings on his fingers and you scoff loudly. When you sit up to leave, he leans forward and lightly grasps the back of your calf and you let out an audible gasp.

It was crazy, it felt like butterflies that took a lot of steroids.

“But up until an hour ago, I’ve only been thinking about one girl and its only been you.” You’re standing up and you swallow thickly at the honesty in his voice and big, brown eyes. “Which is fucking insane because we’re supposed to hate each other... right?”

You run your hands through your hair and sigh. “Its this red string thing. But the feelings aren’t real, it’ll all fade, look.”

You point to your ankles and the slightly faded string but Xuxi keeps his eyes on you, swallowing thickly at your sentence.

“Don’t you... don’t you feel like this is something more?”

Your eyes snap back up to Xuxi’s and your throat goes dry. He immediately gets up and motions between the two of you. “I don’t know about you but I’ve never felt anything like this before and I’ve been in love, so, this is different.”

You narrow your eyes at him. Xuxi? In love? That was an idea you never would’ve connected. Yet, you couldn’t help but agree. Even if you’ve never really been in love, you’ve felt it and knowing exactly how much you hated Xuxi, whatever was still keeping you in the bathroom with him was powerful.

“Why us?” You sigh and squeeze your eyes shut. “I’m soulmates with a guy who sleeps with a different girl every night!”

“Hey.” Xuxi frowns and takes a few steps towards you. “Thats not true. You know I won’t do that to you, I’m not that type of guy in relationsh-“

This Xuxi was definitely one that you aren’t used to, seeing him in a completely different light. It was as if he really did care.

“I don’t know that you wouldn’t do that to me!” You point a finger to his chest and ignore the sparks that go off from the smallest contact. “And don’t talk about us in a relationship, take a few steps back.”

He rolls his eyes and holds his hands up, moving back and away from you. And even though you know you asked him to move back, you couldn’t help but feel a loss of comfort the more steps Xuxi took. You groan at the feeling.

“I need air.” You mutter, taking one last fleeting look across Xuxi and his big, wide eyes before walking out of the bathroom and bedroom, and out towards the empty front deck. The entire walk your eyes were focused on the red string around your ankle.

No one else seemed to notice the string, as it followed your ankle through the mass of people. When you got to the deck, you take a deep breath and sigh. The three years of unfortunate encounters with Xuxi and you could be compared to a cat and dog type of relationship. The two of you went at it back and forth, ever since you first met.

Three years ago

You and your friends were at some random dorm hall on campus, playing pool and chilling in the community game room. It was around 9:36pm on a Sunday so campus was almost empty, save for the guys playing pool casually next to you.

Not gonna lie, you noticed them the minute you walked in the room, talking to your roommate Ella. Especially the taller, blonde one. He was probably the most beautiful guy you’ve ever seen, with full lips and broad shoulders, he was definitely gonna be stuck in your head for a few days.

But when he caught you staring, he gave you a cocky smirk that had you rolling your eyes. If theres one thing you hated, it was a conceited guy who played girls with that exact smirk.

You’ve had too much experience and you were sure this wouldn’t add to it. In the corner of your eye you watch him and a couple of his friends walk over and you groan, nudging Ella. “They’re coming over.”

“Sheesh, blondies a looker. I caught you rolling your eyes when you saw him.” She sneaks a look at him and turns back to you with a satisfied grin.

“Not my type.” You cross your arms across your chest and boldly turn to watch him and his friends get closer. “He’s way to cocky for me, I feel it.”

“I like them confident.” Ella eyes you. “Can I go for him?”

“Go for it.” You shrug at her and turn back when the guy in question and his friends are in front of you and your friends.

“I don’t think we’ve seen any of you before.” The blonde guy keeps his gaze and smirk locked securely on you. “Do you live in the hall?”

“We live in Beacon across campus.” Even if Ella’s the one that spoke up and answered, Xuxi takes his time looking away from you to her. You scoff.

“Interesting.” He turns back to you with a cheeky grin. “I’m Xuxi.”

“My names Ella.” She holds out her hand towards him and he looks away from you with a little wink. You shake your head and turn to his friends instead. They seemed a lot calmer than Xuxi, the two boys now turned to you with warm grins.

“Hey, I’m Y/N.” You nod your head at them and they nod back. The one with light brown hair and a pretty smile answers first.

“My names Kun, I’m Xuxi’s roommate.”

“Sicheng, nice to meet you.” The boy with flawless features and light blonde hair replies.

“Nice to meet you guys too, both of you freshman?”

“No, Sicheng and I are sophomores. This is your first semester here?” Kun replies and you nod grinning at him.

“And you aren’t caught up by the force that is Huang Xuxi, impressive.” Sicheng smirks and you laugh a little, shrugging.

“Theres a lot more to a pretty face.” You look back over to Xuxi and where he stood with your friends a couple feet away. You turn back to them with a grin. “So what’re you guys’ majors?”

“Xuxi and I are both business majors.” Kun replies with a shrug. “I’m not really into it, more into editing and videography, which I do on the side.” 

“I’m a theatre major.” Theres a faint pink hue that spreads across Sicheng’s face until he shrugs it off. “My parents wouldn’t let me go to acting school so this is the closest thing to that.” 

You laugh loudly and shake your head at the two of them, already knowing you’re going to like them. “That’s really cool. I’m a bio major, but I might switch because it’s already getting hard and I don’t like that.” 

Kun visibly cringes while Sicheng shrugs. The lighter blonde boy smirks at you, nudging Kun. “He failed intro to bio twice in his freshman year, it was pretty sad.” 

You laugh again and when your eyes fleet across the room for a second, you catch Xuxi’s eyes. He turns back to you with another smirk.

“I don’t think I got your name.” Xuxi excuses himself from the girls before walking over to you without another word.

“It’s Y/N.” You give him an unimpressed look when he looks you up and down. He grins wolfishly.

“Thats a lovely name and, do I hear an accent?”

“Get her whole life story then her snapchat, bro, always works.” Kun scoffs and you grin at him. You pull out your phone towards Kun and Sicheng, away from Xuxi.

“Speaking of, can I get the both of yours?”

Both their eyes widen slightly before nodding and pulling out their phones and exchanging codes. Behind you, you can hear Ella and the girls hounding Xuxi for his snapchat and you release a sigh of relief.

Until Kun turns to the girls and asks for their usernames. Whilst Kun and Sicheng were getting the girls’ codes, it left you and yours truly free.

“So, Y/N,” Xuxi takes a few steps towards you, “my snapchats h-u-a-x-u-x-i.”

You raise a brow. “I don’t remember asking for it, do you?”

He looks confused for a second before his smirk grows. “You’re feisty, huh. Don’t worry, babe, I love a challenge.”

You scrunch your face in disgust, wondering how such pretty looks can be obscured by such a narrow personality. But before you could say anything, Ella’s voice calls Xuxi’s name and you sigh in relief.

“I’ll catch you in a bit, Y/N.” He winks at you while walking backwards and towards Ella. You wave with a fake smile before turning away with a roll of your eyes. You turn to Kun and Sicheng instead, enjoying their company much more than Xuxi’s.

Later that night you get a notification on your phone and its a request from none other than ‘huaxuxi’ himself. You nibble on your bottom lip for a few minutes before accepting it. And you already felt like you would regret this.

Xuxi: Kun spilled and told me your username :)

Y/N: tell kun i dont like him anymore

Xuxi: Does that mean you like me more?

Y/N: that would require me to like you in the first place :)

It only takes Xuxi a week before he realizes that you actually didn’t like him and decided that you thought of yourself too highly. From then came Top Bitch and the countless sneers and scoffs. 

And thats just how it was for the both of you, never any different.

You’re sitting in the cafeteria with the girls when some of the NCT boys walk by, making you roll your eyes and sink in your seat lower catching a glimpse of who was there. But instead of walking up to your table, Xuxi just walks by and doesn’t even say hi making you furrow your brows. 

“Did Xuxi just ignore me?” You mutter to Ella once he’s a good distance away. You keep looking at him sneakily behind her shoulder and when he catches your gaze, instead of smirk or wink, Xuxi glares at you. “Holy shit he just glared at me.” 

“Maybe he gave up, isn’t that what you wanted?” Ella replies, shrugging at you. 

“Yeah.” You say quietly, swallowing thickly when your throat goes a little dry. “Yeah, it is.”

⇝⇝⇝

It isn’t until that moment that you realized you completely ditched Ella. You groan and quickly pull out your phone from the back of your tight, strapless dress. Texting her where you were, you at least knew she would still be on the boat.

You put away your phone and sigh, leaning against the yacht railing and watching the moonlight play against the water, the full moon still bright and powerful. The cities colorful and lit skyline looks almost animated and magical.

“I’ve been looking everywhere for you!”

You turn your head to the sound of your best friends voice, Ella walking towards you with narrowed eyes. You sigh and shake your head.

“You wouldn’t believe what I went through.”

Ella raises a brow at you once she’s beside you. “Oh? Do tell.”

You nibble on your bottom lip and realize you didn’t even know where to begin. How do you tell someone that a magical, mythical Chinese fable about soulmates happened to you?

“Remember three years ago when we met Xuxi?”

Ella’s eyes get a bit widened, noticing the way you say his name without cringing. She nods and motions for you to go on.

“Why didn’t you ever go for him?”

“Oh, honey,” she sighs and rolls her eyes, “I tried. He was just too... preoccupied, I guess.”

“Preoccupied?” You furrow your brows and turn back to the view.

“Y/N, he was like hooked on you the minute he saw you. Theres no way you didn’t notice.”

You sigh loudly and face her with a stressed look.

“Do you see anything tied around my ankle?”

Ella gives you a funny look before looking down and confusedly on your ankle. “No? It’s too dark, here let me put flash on.”

You look down at the still half vibrant red thread that stood out in the darkness with a sigh. “Never mind, it’s okay.”

“Are you okay, Y/N?” Your best friend gives you a worried look, never seeing you like this before.

Your chin wobbles and you close your eyes. “Xuxi and I, we’re soulmates.”

Ella stares at you, waiting for you to shout ‘JK’ or to laugh it off. But your straight face doesn’t falter, making your best friends eyes widen.

“How do you know? Xuxi? Soulmates?”

Your eyes pull open and you sigh at her. “Its hard to explain but yeah it’s true.”

“Is it true to you though?”

You look at Ella’s face and hesitates before nodding a little. Now that you were apart from Xuxi, your mind was clear but there was an obvious divide. When you were with him there was electricity in the air, sparks flying from the slightest look. It felt like something else completely being around him, it felt nice. Inviting.

“Yeah, Ella, I do.”

⇝⇝⇝

Xuxi collapses on his bed with a loud sigh, already feeling his headache coming back. He knew you were walking further and further, spending three minutes earlier just watching the red thread twist and turn.

Theres no time for him to be alone with his thoughts as his best friend Sicheng walks in a few seconds later. “Xuxi, bro, why are you still in here? The parties outside!”

Xuxi sits up on his bed and rubs his hands over his face. “Have your parents told you about that myth about the red thread of fate? About the soulmates?”

Sicheng furrows his brows and gets up from his place where he was leaning against a desk table. His confused face was obvious, Xuxi never being the one to talk anything about love, feelings, or soulmates. “Yeah, why?”

“Its true, bro.” Xuxi sighs and avoids Sicheng’s eyes, focusing on the floor. “Y/N and I...”

Sicheng’s eyes snap down to the exact placement of the thread and he comes closer. “I don’t see anything, Xux.”

“Obviously.” The taller boy motions for the vibrant red string. “But Y/N and I definitely do.”

“No fucking way.” The other Chinese guy shakes his head staring at Xuxi’s ankle. Until a smirk blooms on his face. “Y/N, though? I’m not surprised.”

“Right?!” Xuxi groans and stops, realizing Sicheng said the complete opposite of what he thought the guy would say. “Wait, what do you mean? We hated each other.”

“In the whole three years we’ve known each other, Y/N’s the only girl thats been consistently in your life that isn’t family.” Sicheng shrugs and continues to smirk at the boy sitting on the bed. “Which is insane because, you know, it’s you. And I am now 30 dollars richer thanks to you and Mr. Kun.”

Xuxi completely skips over the second sentence once Sicheng finishes talking, turning to the boy with wide eyes and an incredulous look. “The both of you bet on Y/N and me?!”

“To date, yeah, but this whole fate thing is basically the same thing, right?” Sicheng laughs loudly and winks at Xuxi. “I’m joking, man. But, knowing Y/N, she isn’t too happy with this?”

“That’s an understatement. She’s outside getting air.” Xuxi lays back down with a groan. “When it went past midnight, its like my feelings towards Y/N flipped. I feel so different towards her, like, I don’t mind this whole... situation, you know? The whole soulmates thing?”

“Then what the fuck are you doing here?” Sicheng claps loudly, instantly pulling him out of his reverie and forces Xuxi on his feet. “Go and tell her that!”

“Are you sure?” Xuxi gives him a small look, not really knowing what to do in this position at all. He was used to girls but you were something completely different, not like any girl he’s ever dealt with. The last thing Xuxi wanted to do was piss you off, knowing how heated you would get. 

“One hundred percent.” The shorter boy shrugs with a smirk. “When am I ever wrong, Xux? Now, go!”

Xuxi hurriedly runs out of the bedroom without a second thought, racing to find you. It was clear as day in his mind now, Xuxi realized that all these years of detesting you was nothing but a hoax, because if you were ever somehow out of his life; Xuxi wouldn’t know what to do. 

He doesn’t stop to wink or talk to girls, only thanking and waving at the people who told him happy birthday. Xuxi was a man on a mission, racing through his yacht to get you.

“Y/N.” He gets to the front deck and slows his steps when you aren’t alone. Your best friend, Ella, he recognized, stood beside you with dear in headlights eyes. “Oh, shit, sorry, I thought you were alone.”

“Oh! Its okay, I was just asking about rides back home.” Ella laughs nervously, nudging you low key. “I’ll see you in a bit, okay?”

You nod and watch your best friend leave, not without throwing you a thumbs up and wink before she was gone. When its just you and Xuxi, the electricity is back and the headache is gone.

“Your headache stopped too?” You ask him and he nods at first before he realizes what you asked and Xuxi’s eyes widened.

“How did you know my head hurt?”

You shrug and the corner of your lips pull up. “Soulmate thing.”

Xuxi’s eyes focus on your smile for a second longer then bubbling laughter flows out of him. He takes some steps closer to you, reaching forward to hold your hand. Theres the feeling of pop rocks the second your hands touch and its addictive.

“The feelings aren’t fake or gonna fade in a day or two.” Xuxi clears his throat and blushes a little, the tops of his ears turning red. “They’ve always been there. This whole string thing just made me realize it.” 

The moonlight, colorful city lights, and fairy lights decked throughout the yacht made this moment so magical, for the first time that night, you fully believed in the old Chinese wise tale. 

“You piss me off a lot but I don’t know what I’d do without it.” You say with a shrug, smirking not long after. Xuxi chuckles and bites down on his lip, looking down at you.

“Are you willing to give it a shot, Y/N?”

You sigh and playfully roll your eyes, standing closer to him. “I guess I will, Xuxi.”

The red thread between the two of you dissolves almost all together the longer the two of you keep smiling at each other. Seconds later, fireworks go off in the backdrop and scares you, making you shriek and jump. Xuxi laughs loudly and holds you against his chest, watching the colorful lights in the sky.

“I forgot the fireworks went off at 2am.”

“Why 2 in the morning?” You laugh loudly, unable to stop yourself from clutching onto his chest to get closer. The warmth Xuxi gave off was so inviting.

“So people don’t forget it’s my birthday.” Xuxi smirks to himself, obviously proud of himself. You roll your eyes but laugh none the less.

“You’re unbelievable, Xuxi.”

[fragmentedink-archived]

oops nik odds 🤷‍♀️

UR VALID ANON

1. What’s their full name? Why was that chosen? Does it mean anything?

Nik’s full name is Nikolas Isaac Arwaine

Nikolas means ‘victory of the people’ Isaac means ‘laughter’ and Arwaine, I took the Celtic god of the dead Arwan and added a few letters :)

It was chosen bec when i orginally was writing him, he was inspired by Nikolai Lant/sov in Grisha.

3. Did they have a good childhood? What are fond memories they have of it? What’s a bad memory? 

Nik had,,, an interesting childhood. HIs father wasn’t,,, outwardly abusive, perse. But he did lock his kids in places to get out (he broke nates hand bec nate wouldnt stop drawing). His mom taught him how to lie and his parents gave him whatever he wanted besides the one thing he Really wanted

He has fond memories of Adrien and his ohter brothers taking him to the ocean. He had fond memories of hanging out with Nate in Nates studio. One of his fave memories is Nate putting face paint on his face when he was a lil birb

A bad memory he has is getting so afraid of not being able to get out of a room, he threw himself into a panic attack and he was shaking and crying so hard that his dad was so damn disappointed in him that he didnt talk to Nik for a Long Time

5. Do they have any siblings? What’s their names? What is their relationship with them? Has their relationship changed since they were kids to adults?

he had Three (3) sibs. Blake, Adrien and Nate. 

He has a fairly easy going relationship with Blake and Nate. Tho he butts heads with Adrien a Lot. Blake and Nate’s relationship with Nik is kinda the same growing up, tho his and Adrien’s change. Nik used to idolize Adrien, now they just fight all the time

7. Did they have lots of friends as a child? Did they keep any of their childhood friends into adulthood? 

Nik,,, had more superficial friends than Friend Friends. People liked his money and his influence more than they liked him. Tho he is a very infectious person, so he probably does have friends, theyre just awful people who are flighty when things go Wrong

9. Do animals like them? Do they get on well with animals? 

y’know I think Nik does like animals!! he likes all kinds of animals and would like a pet snake or spider but IM NOT GIVING HIM EITHER. He tries to pet Bay’s pet kitten but she claws the hell out of him :(

11. Do they have any special diet requirements? Are they a vegetarian? Vegan? Have any allergies?the main requirement that Nik has is that he doesn’t like his food touching. He doesnt mind mixing his foods, like hot dogs and mac and cheese, but he doesn’t like them touching. He is also allergic to strawberries ;-;

13. What is their least favourite food?

peanut butter

15. Are they good at cooking? Do they enjoy it? What do others think of their cooking?

Nik is actually very good at cooking!! Most of the time he hates it unless hes making something Big or baking something with Cameron, who stress bakes. Cameron secretly likes his cooking but he wont admit it

17. Do they like to take photos? What do they like to take photos of? Selfies? What do they do with their photos?

oh hell yeah!! Nik loves taking nudes pictures and sending them to cameron. His cell phone (if he had one) would be full of random pics of people and of places. MUCH PICTURES OF THE OCEAN. He has a bunch saved on his phone and he has some in photo albums and such

19. What’s their least favourite genres?

mmmm i think nonfiction would bore him, especially for industrial revolution area. I think he would actually really like scyfi and action. Absolutely would love anything that was just fast and action packed. he would fucking LOVE deadpool

Nik: if he backtalks he gets his head cut off but he comes back from the dead. if i backtalk im just DEAD. not fair :(

21. Do they have a temper? Are they patient? What are they like when they do lose their temper?

Nik absolUTELY has a temper. Its quick, its hot and he often makes an ass of himself. He’s not patient. He has,,, some patience, I guess. Where it counts. But it’s nowhere near as long as Nate’s.

When he loses his temper people get wounded or just DEAD. or he just makes an ass out of himself and has to apologize

23. Do they have a good memory? Short term or long term? Are they good with names? Or faces?

Nik has a somewhat good memory. HIs long term memory is much better tho. He’s much more visual and is better with faces.

25. What do they find funny? Do they have a good sense of humour? Are they funny themselves?

NIk has the most juvinle sense of humor lol. But he also has a really fucking dark sense of humor when it calls for it. If someone is bleeding out, and they deserved it, hed laugh

well. he certainly thinks hes funny

27. What makes them sad? Do they cry regularly? Do they cry openly or hide it? What are they like they are sad?

Nik,,, doesn’t really get sad. He gets pissed. He tries hiding his tears, and he tries to not cry. He shoves negative emotions down so much (which is actually why hes such an angry dude :/)

WHen he does break down and cry Cam,,, tries to be comforting with him. They can get surprisingly soft

29. What do they do when they find out someone else’s fear? Do they tease them? Or get very over protective? 

mmmm it would depend on the fear. Like if it was as Genuine fear (like his is) he wouldn’t tease them. But like,,, if it was something stupid hed absoluTELY tease them for it. He would get kinda protective about it, and would tell whoever it was bothering them to fuck off and leave them alone

31. Do they drink? What are they like drunk? What are they like hungover? How do they act when other people are drunk or hungover? Kind or teasing?

DOES NIK DRINK LMAOOO YES YES HE DOES

Nik is mostly a cheerful drunk and hes a fucking idiot while hes drunk. Also is very slutty when hes drunk (tho when isnt he???)

Nik: hungover? I don’t know her. i just start drinking againMe: Nik pls

When ohter people are drunk hes,,, pretty relaxed about it and help them from making an ass out of themselves (tho tbh he would absolutely record them being an idiot). He would try to pry someone off him if they tried to undress him

Nik: yes yes i know i am hot. But unfortunately my conscious would not sit well if i took advantage of the situation :(

33. What underwear do they wear? Boxers or briefs? Lacey? Comfy granny panties?

Nik doesn’t wear underwear. 

Tho he has been known to try on lacy panties ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Nik: don’t judge they’re surprisingly comfy and make my ass look GREAT

35. What’s their guilty pleasure? What is their totally unguilty pleasure? 

ok Nik doesn’t have guilty pleasures. hes not going to feel guilty for likeing the things he does. His total unguilty pleausres is trashy television shows. He lovesss binge watching say yes to the dress for fucking hours while sprawled out on the couch eating oreos and stoned

37. Do they like to read? Are they a fast or slow reader? Do they like poetry? Fictional or non fiction?

Nik,,,, is not fond of reading. He is Dyslexic and he doesn’t like sitting still or being forced to focus. Tho,,, i think he might read, depending on what he was reading. 

fiction, absolutely fiction

39. Do they like letters? Or prefer emails/messaging? 

mmmmmmmmmm messaging and emails. Much better bec he can read them better. Tho, he does like letters every now and then. Especially if theyre like,,, looove letters 

41. What’s their sexuality? What do they find attractive? Physically and mentally? What do they like/need in a relationship?

He is a slutty, slutty bisexual, my dude. Nik has a hand kink. he finds slender hands attractive. he likes,,,, cool eyes?? if that makes sense?? He finds people who are kinda,,, not,,, cold cold but cool and calmness attractive. That cool confidence, like a sheet of almost frozen water.

He finds delicate features attractive. Like fine bones, not brashness. Sharp as glass cheekbones, slender hands. Tall, not,,, too much muscle. (am i describing Cameron? MAYBE SO) NIk, upon meeting Cameron: oh no hes not

mentally, he finds confidence attractive. he finds assertiveness and dominance attractive. He likes someone who can command a fucking presence. He finds passion attractive. Someone that is so passionate and so devoted to something/one attractive

What does he like? he likes someone that will meet him halfway, who will want him, and that he will be enough for them. He has a bit of an inferiority complex  and he thinks that people will just get tired of him and he wants- he NEEDS- someone that he will be enough for, that they arent going to just bolt when things get rough. Which,,, is interesting bec Cameron,,, is Cameron and hes going to want to control the situation who is afraid fo feeling anything for anyone

43. Are they religious? What do they think of religion? What do they think of religious people? What do they think of non religious people?

Nik,,,, acknowledges that there are gods. But i would not call him religious. If he were in modern day, he might MIGHT be spiritual but he will joke and be like dude, im going to hell.

He thinks of religious people, and nonreligious people the same way. Believe what you want to believe, but don’t shove it down my throat

45. How do other people see them? Is it similar to how they see themselves? 

A lot of people see him as a lost cause, as some druggie who is going nowhere other than down. Some think that he’s just,,, lost. HIs dad sees him as his Son who just needs tough love and the right pressure to Honor His Family

Nik,,, sees himself as a hot guy, whos shallow and with money. People dont like him, they like his money and what he can do for them. 

47. How do they act in a formal occasion? What do they think of black tie wear? Do they enjoy fancy parties and love to chit chat or loathe the whole event?

mmmmmm Nik doesn’t like many formal occassions. He thinks theyre boring and people are fake as fuck. He Hates black tie wear and he only agrees to wear a tie if Cam uses it on him later ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

he hates chit chat but he does fucking love gossip. He’ll find a couple of people to hang out with and get the Dish

49. What is their most valued object? Are they sentimental? Is there something they have to take everywhere with them?

his lighter. Its a flip lighter with engravings on it, that Nate got him. He uses it when he gets anxious. That,,, is actually the reason Nate got it for him, tho Nate did not say that.

If nate said anything about Nik having any kind of disorder, Nik would shut him down instantly.

Tho, Nik does take it everywhere with him

[oasisprngsmoved-blog]

125 questions about me

i was tagged by @surreysimmer and @oasisable, lov u guys. the point of the tag is to create a simself w your traits and answer the questions!

i tag: @brndletonbae @vvindenburg and anyone else who hasnt done it yet!

my traits are dog lover, geek and hot-headed!

125 questions below the cut

1. what is your name? taylah

2. what is your nickname? tay

3. birthday? aug 30 1998

4. what is your favorite book series? the illuminae files by amie kaufman and jay kristoff

5. do you believe in aliens or ghosts? yessss

6. who is your favorite author? neal shusterman

7. what is your favorite radio station? i only use apple music

8. what is your favorite flavor of anything? raspberry flavour mhm

9. what word would you use often to describe something great or wonderful? incredible

10. what is your current favorite song? i literally have no idea

11. what is your favorite word? no clue

12. what was the last song you listened to? i can hear my mother listening to abba downstairs

13. what tv show would you recommend for everybody to watch? brooklyn nine nine

14. what is your favorite movie to watch when you’re feeling down? mr beans holiday

15. do you play video games? yeeee, lately ive been playing detroit become human, the new spiderman game and gta v :-) 

16. what is your biggest fear? CLOWNS

17. what is your best quality, in your opinion? im really empathetic 

18. what is your worst quality, in your opinion? i can be an asshole

9. do you like cats or dogs better? dogs

20. what is your favorite season? winter

21. are you in a relationship? no

22. what is something you miss from your childhood? my dad,,,,,

23. who is your best friend? jacqui + kelsey and also jills + haley

24. what is your eye color? hazel

25. what is your hair color? black

26. who is someone you love? my dog

27. who is someone you trust? see q.23

28. who is someone you think about often? my dad

29. are you currently excited about/for something? christmas

30. what is your biggest obsession? i develop fixations real fast u could ask me my biggest obsession and itll change in 2 days

31. what was your favorite tv show as a child? probably zoey-101 or smth like that

32. who of the opposite gender can you tell anything to, if anyone? bold of q.32 to assume i trust people

33. are you superstitious? yeah

34. do you have any unusual phobias? broken glass

35. do you prefer to be in front of the camera or behind it? behind

36. what is your favorite hobby? watch netflix, game, work kkfbcuaajl

37. what was the last book you read? sadie by courtney summers

38. what was the last movie you watched? bohemian rhapsody

39. what musical instruments do you play, if any? none

40. what is your favorite animal? dogs, sloths and sharks

41. what are your top 5 favorite tumblr blogs that you follow? i cant narrow things down im indecisive

42. what superpower do you wish you had? invisibility

43. when and where do you feel most at peace? when i knock tf out and finally sleep kwbaubfdl but also when im home alone

44. what makes you smile? when someone laughs at my dumb jokes

45. what sports do you play, if any? this is so funny

46. what is your favorite drink? vanilla coke

47. when was the last time you wrote a hand-written letter or note to somebody? no clue

48. are you afraid of heights? kind of

49. what is your biggest pet peeve? when people dont listen

50. have you ever been to a concert? yeah 

51. are you vegan/vegetarian? no but i want to be

52. when you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up? hotel manager

53. what fictional world would you like to live in? harry potter lmao

54. what is something you worry about? everything!!!!!

55. are you scared of the dark? not really

56. do you like to sing? like to yes, but i cant sing

57. have you ever skipped school? yes and i skip uni all the time im depressed

58. what is your favorite place on the planet? my bed

59. where would you like to live? anywhere but australia

60. do you have any pets? i have a fifi!! (a dog... she was gonna be in the photos with my simself but her breed isnt in the game so sad)

61. are you more of an early bird or a night owl? night owl

62. do you like sunrises or sunsets better? sunsets

63. do you know how to drive? yes

64. do you prefer earbuds or headphones? i call them earphones so no clue what the difference is

65. have you ever had braces? no

66. what is your favorite genre of music? literally anything

67. who is your hero? no clue

68. do you read comic books? i read graphic novels but not comic books

69. what makes you the most angry? rude people!!!!!

70. do you prefer to read on an electronic device or with a real book? both im not bothered

71. what is your favorite subject in school? rn i love my social science classes

72. do you have any siblings? 4 brothers 2 sisters

73. what was the last thing you bought? gta v

74. how tall are you? 5′4 / 163cm

75. can you cook? yeah

76. what are three things that you love? my friends, my family, my dog

77. what are three things that you hate? stress, rude opinionated people, people who ignore what you say

78. do you have more female friends or more male friends? female friends i dont talk to men besides my brother and my boss

79. what is your sexual orientation? lmaoooooooooo no idea atm ha

80. where do you currently live? australia

81. who was the last person you texted? sam

82. when was the last time you cried? the other night larbnlcbadj

83. who is your favorite youtuber? how ridiculous

84. do you like to take selfies? not really

85. what is your favorite app? tumblr

86. what is your relationship with your parent(s) like? pretty good but my mums a taurus so shes stubborn af

87. what is your favorite foreign accent? french

88. what is a place that you’ve never been to, but you want to visit? everywhere im stuck in the bottom of the globe someone save me

89. what is your favorite number? 7

90. can you juggle? no

91. are you religious? no

92. do you find outer space of the deep ocean to be more interesting? space!!! but both are interesting tbh

93. do you consider yourself to be a daredevil? no

94. are you allergic to anything? no but im lactose intolerant

95. can you curl your tongue? yes

96. can you wiggle your ears? no

97. how often do you admit that you were wrong about something? no im also stubborn af

98. do you prefer the forest or the beach? neither

99. what is your favorite piece of advice that anyone has ever given you? someone, the other day, told me im young with relatively little life experiences and that struggling with myself is okay and to not worry about the future idk this makes no sense with 0 context to what we were talking about but it helped a lot.

100. are you a good liar? depends i can tell my boss im sick and i cant work when im Depressed^tm just fine but i cant lie to a friend

101. what is your hogwarts house? slytherin

102. do you talk to yourself? yes rip

103. are you an introvert or an extrovert? bitta both

104. do you keep a journal/diary? i have a priv twitter acc where only 2 people follow me and i act like its my journal so close enough

105. do you believe in second chances? depends on the circumstances

106. if you found a wallet full of money on the ground, what would you do? turn it in

107. do you believe that people are capable of change? again depends

108. are you ticklish? oh yes

109. have you ever been on a plane? yes

110. do you have any piercings? i have my ears done twice, my helix and my nose

111. what fictional character do you wish was real? cress from tlc

112. do you have any tattoos? no

113. what is the best decision that you’ve made in your life so far? deciding to go to uni

114. do you believe in karma? yeee

115. do you wear glasses or contacts? glasses, contacts freak me out

116. do you want children? no, if i were to have kids id wanna adopt

117. who is the smartest person you know? no idea

118. what is your most embarrassing memory? anything from 2015/2016

119. have you ever pulled an all-nighter? yes

120. what colour are most of you clothes? black and grey

121. do you like adventures? depends

122. have you ever been on tv? no

123. how old are you? 20

124. what is your favorite movie quote? the gone girl monologue i wont quote it because its a SPOILER but its my fav

125. sweet or savory? sweet

[gaarfielf]

k im gonna throw in my hot take on part 5 now i think the time has come where i’ve watched enough of the damn series i can make a coherent essay on whats what on what (putting it under a read more bc this shit is gonna be long and i dont want my followers to suffer too much)

I’ll do this character by character starting with the new ones

Ami: I’m having a hard time deciphering whether she’s being underutilized or over utilized because number 1) her character isn’t interesting enough to have her keep coming around, especially when her only connection to the group is Lupin. She hasn’t had any interaction with Goemon or Jigen that i know of and she hates Fujiko for ??? reasons. That being said, I would’ve preferred if she was fleshed out more because 2) literally having her be the distant girl that is quiet and doesn’t understand social norms is..... really boring. It’s almost as boring as having a female character whose only there as a set of boobs... (coughs). She isn’t interesting because they didn’t make her interesting, yeah? It’s hard to hate a character based on the fact alone they were clearly written by a man but I mean it very literally when I say she could’ve been something great. Having her confess her love to Lupin was straight up disgusting and I really expected more from tms in that vein. Putting romance where romance doesn’t need to be is bad enough let alone when you jack knife it in between a child and an adult. And for those of you saying ‘Oh hhhh she’s like nineteen’....look into your heart. Even if she is 1) she sure as hell doesn’t look it and 2) Lupin is like 40-50. In the wise words of me, children loving adults was a myth made up by pedophiles in support of the devil. Npot to mention pitting her against Fujiko because they both like Lupin?? I ain’t even gotta explain why that’s a pathetic excuse at writing. But I will. Fujiko is a grown ass woman so why the fuck would she care and Ami is a child who shouldn’t be in love with him anyway. She has truly been nothing in the series except a tool and even at that not a likable one.

Yata: Do I even have to say that I can’t write anything about a man who hasn’t had more than 4 minutes of screen time in the last 24 episodes? He was hyped up before the series started and he’s done nothing but be Zenigata’s personality in the place of Zenigata y’know. Actually speaking and having one for himself BUT WE’LL GET TO THAT LATER. He’s done nothing but yell and cry over literally nothing? Like he fights Zeni’s fights because for some reason Zenigata got super lazy this season (again, we’ll get into that later) and he’s just a pointless character.

Albert: Gay rep for life haha just kidding he was bad at that too. I think they literally introduced him as faux-gay rep because they know the fans wanted more sensitive interactions from their already existing male cast members and they were like ‘well that’s gay so we’ll give them this guy’. And speaking on behalf of myself - ‘I don’t want these’. So Albert shows up, supposedly having a HUGE connection to Lupin’s past and then............we never see him again. And they literally tell us nothing about him except he’s gay and works in the government. Apparently when we say ‘we want gay rep’ they hear ‘very minor gay character??’ and didn’t hear us say ‘no’ back. And every time I hear anyone say 1) ‘well, his connection to Lupin is supposed to be a mystery!’ I can feel hives growing on my skin because i’m allergic to bullshit like if they weren’t gonna tell us the connection, and whatever the connection is didn’t reveal anything new about the character outside of ‘Lupin knew somebody that wasn’t Jigen when he was younger’ then why?? mention it?? why make an entire arc dedicated to not telling us something if the end result was ‘it doesn’t matter who he is’? 2) ‘well they’re obviously cousins’ except they obviously aren’t. if they obviously were, they’d say that they were cousins. like if y’all are digging up bits of the manga from 40 years ago to say ‘there was a character who had the same last name’ but are also out here saying ‘Jigen doesnt have a sister bc they said that over 40 yers ago and haven’t mentioned it since’ then I ain’t got nothing to say to y’all, you’re just dodgy and ain’t worth the stress of talking to. 3) ‘they’re maybe gay’ well the cool thing about gay rep is that we don’t give honourary mentions out for series that were too cowardly to actually come right out and say it. So in conclusion, Albert was written by cowards who couldn’t decide what to do with him.

Enzo: Boring. That’s literally all I have to say. Trying to give him depth by making Ami his daughter was predictable and not at all interesting. To be honest I completely forgot she was looking for her dad anyway because she didn’t seem to care that much about finding him either (or seem to care about anythign really). He’s a shitty villain and every time he speaks I got my finger on the right-key because I don’t care what he has to say and so far I haven’t missed anything good so yeah. Just disappointing.

I think that’s it??? For new characters?? So I’ll move onto the main cast

Jigen: I 👏 WANT 👏 JIGEN 👏 TO 👏 DO 👏 SOMETHING like good fucking God the man hasn’t done anything this whole series up until 24 where he got  5 minute scene dedicated to him killin’ cops (direct action) but like?? As a character he hasn’t progressed he has BARELY spoken and we’ve learned one new thing about him the whole series in the episode where he meets the daughter of a woman he used to work with. And that one thing that we learned was: he used to work with the mother of this girl. That’s it. Episode 24 he got a little bit of dialog with Lupin that I guess was supposed to be like character development but it was so weird because it was kind of directed at the audience?? So it’s like is he talking to me or to Jigen because if I was Jigen I would not have one goddamn clue what he was talking about. Also, he’s so depressing this season?? Right up until now we’ve seen very little personality from him aside from Angry and Complains a Lot. He smiles sometimes sure but like he doesn’t exactly have a lot to smile about this season considering he’s not really in the limelight anymore and is only brought back to foreshadow how much he hates technology and wants to retire. Personally, Jigen is one of my favourite characters and the fact he hasn’t achieved much this series is a big let-down

Goemon: I can’t even imagine how let down Goemon fans feel because again, up until Episode 23 he did nothing. He had an episode where he fell in love?? With a girl?? Disguised as a woman?? For some reason?? It was in one of the throwbacks and I’ll admit that maybe the episode made sense and I probably missed something but to me I had no clue what was going on. ANYWAY like his big scene in the spotlight is 3 episodes before the end of the series (its not like he’s a main character or anything) and he cuts Lupin. Because he thinks that he isn’t really his friend. That’s it that’s the only reason he almost murders his friend. Just kidding the other reason was that it was a half ass attempt at shock value to make sure the audience was still paying attention. They can’t seem to decide this season whether they want Goemon to be edgy or stupid but I think we’ve gotten a greta big helping of both so thanks tms /sarcasm/. They’ve really just dragged his character through the mud this season because he used to be stoic, mysterious, traditionalist but lowkey clumsy guy and then now he’s. I don’t even know how to describe it he’s just become so cutesy and edgy at the same time so we get him cutting Lupin in half right in front of UwU i eat my fish skin first ! I’m quirky ! like what am I supposed to feel about this grown man? He’s really too back-and-forth for me this season

Fujiko: I’M GONNA GET HEATED ABOUT THIS ONE SO BUCKLE UP I’ve never seen Fujiko written this poorly since TWCFM (yes i’m outting that as a bad series too so don’t @ me about that lil tidbit). She’s there as a piece of eyecandy bUT SHE IS SO POORLY DRAWN IT MAKES ME WONDER IF ANYBODY AT TMS HAS EVER SEEN A WOMAN IN THEIR LIFE TIME. Seriously her proportions are so off and outwardly repulsive looking it makes it hard not to skip anything she says in the series on account of how half-ass her character looks. Not limiting herself to being visually repulsive, she also has a half-ass personality. Suddenly Fujiko isn’t the come-and-go as she pleases, mysterious woman that gives Lupin intel on very high security operations she’s just. There. At some point in the series she said ‘a woman’s body is just a tool to get something she needs’ and I wanted to puke this is NOT Fujiko’s character at all and I’m disgusted that they’re brushing her off as a pair of walking talking boobs. Also her absolute lack of empathy is just mind numbing because they’re somehow trying to convince the audience that Lupin broke her heart due to wedding related reasons that still haunt her but? Seeing him cut almost in half does nothing for her? And then she deadpan ‘This is just how it is’ like this is just putting her in such an evil light that I hate because I love Fujiko! In every other season she’s fighty and sarcastic and witty AND NOT JUST THERE FOR EYE CANDY. And going back to the wedding thing, why is this being made into such a big deal? There’s literal episodes in other seasons called ‘Fujiko Doesn’t Look Right in a Wedding Dress’ ‘Fujiko Doesn’t Want to Be Married’ ‘A Ring Is Like a Trap’ like she 👏 don’t 👏 want 👏 to 👏 be 👏 married 👏. And the preview for the next ep shows her in a wedding dress so I’m ultimately preparing myself for the big season finale being them getting married.

hurray.

Final thought on Fujiko being, the episode where she picks up Lupin to save him from succumbing to his crossbow wound (easily the funniest thing thats happened all season) I mean. Yeah it’s kinda cool. I don’t really have any strong feelings about that like I’m not about to praise them for something like that when it was immediately followed by her and Ami slap fighting over him again.

Lupin: In my days of watching Lupin movies/specials my slogan was ‘if the ratio of screen time in the movie between characters is 10:0 in Lupin’s favour then it ain’t a good movie’ and it’s ringing true to this season where it’s all about Lupin. I understand obviously it’s a series called Lupin III like I’m not stupid but the amount of ass kissing to his character is something else like they’re putting him on this huge pedestal like he’s a do-no-wrong kind of guy to the point where he’s boring because he’s done nothing wrong. Ever. He doesn’t argue with anybody he doesn’t have any strong emotions really (outside of that episode where Zenigata loses his memory we see him outwardly angry for a minute). It just makes him such a dry character when they try to mold him into being absolutely flawless and admirable. Also the amount of faking his own death and ‘oh no is he gonna die’ moments are just not entertaining. Like I said earlier when he got shot with the crossbow that was the hardest I’ve laughed in a long long time. It played like an SNL skit (you know what one). And again we aren’t learning anything new. Whose Albert to him!? We never got to know, What’s his relationship to Fujiko!? We’re probably gonna find out they’re getting married last episode after all the touching moments they had together this season like.... like uh.... when they uh... oh right they’ve barely spoken to each other all season. And when they did they were arguing. Love is in the air huh?

Zenigata: AI’ll try to keep this brief but Yata’s taken over his character this season. He’s barely spoken, he has like, NO energy or determination. After the episode where Lupin faked his death (the first time, not the proceeding 90 times) Zenigata just stopped appearing and stopped doing anything productive. If anything his character became an excuse for an info dump. Like oh we see a war torn area whats going on? Zenigata is conveniently nearby to say ‘these people are at war!’ and then outside character will tell a 18 paragraph history on him of whose at war and their history and then Zenigata says ‘okay’ and doesn’t appear again for the next 2 episodes.

Now for the closing thoughts I guess

i don’t know why they’re looking at Lupin having plot as separate from Lupin being episodic. Like they’ve separated him from adventure so he’s just doing the same things over and over again. Not to mention like I said earlier, the fans wanted to see more sensitive interactions between the already existing characters, and if anything, they’re farther apart and just really confusing and contradictory. It’s hard to get through an episode when every week its another ‘great time for another plot arc they’re never gonna finish’. When I watched episodes of Part 1 and 2 and 4 (not so much 3 because i can’t find anywhere to watch it lol) I’m pretty attentive all the way through because the series drops tidbits of information about the characters and they make the episode enjoyable to watch. This season is so dreary and dry I can’t find anything to enjoy about it because it’s just one disappointment after another. I’m trying to to sound bitchy as I type all this out but I mean I’m speaking as a fan who is just really disappointed. I know I’ve said ‘disappointed’ a lot in this whole thing but there isn’t another word to describe it because that’s really the way that I feel about part 5. Seeing my favourite characters on screen is supposed to make me feel happy and excited to see where they’re gonna go and what they’re gonna do not make me think “I hope they don’t ruin this character for me’ in every. single. episode. This season has been underwhelming, unenjoyable, inconsistent and just really exhausting to me overall.

i gotta go eat now so peace out and if you read to the end of all this then hopefully i’m not the only one in this boat but if you don’t agree with me then i guess thats just how it is yeah?

EDIT: I forgot to mention that the callbacks were cool at first but now I just find they’re baiting me into thinking i’ll enjoy the episode because i’ll find something I liked from one of the better seasons in it. They’re just really overused at this point because these callbacks aren’t being used for anything. like ‘lupin is making his plan at the cagliostro castle!’ like. why. ‘detective melon is also angry at lupin!’ but if she isn’t like teaming up with zenigata or actually doing anything to find him why should i care. 

[alicedoessurveys]

categories

PHONE What is the last game you played on your phone? toonblast

What kind of phone do you have? iPhone 7

Do you have it in a case? yup, blue marble case with matching pop socket cause im basic 

Do you have a screen protector? nope

Who is the last person you messaged? my sister, telling her to go watch black mirror bandersnatch 

What’s the last app you downloaded? I think it was trainline earlier this month when I had to start getting the train because the morning commute traffic was stressing me out too much  Who is the first contact in your phone? Amadeus (Addison but his nickname is Amadeus) Do you give people personalized ringtones? no I cba with that  What percentage is your phone battery? 14% Does your screen have any cracks? nope LOOKS What color is your hair? brown How tall are you? 5 ft 8 ish Are you happy with the way you look right now? no I got that post Christmas chub  Describe your outfit: black sweatpants and an oversize black hoodie that says ‘smile’ in huge rainbow letters (in my comfy lazy clothes) What makeup products are you wearing, if any? none, lazy day What tattoos or piercings do you have? I have a tattoo behind my ear of 3 small music notes  How would you describe your skin tone? pale af Are your nails painted? sparkly dark green What color eyes do you have? green What is your favorite physical feature about yourself? my eyes OUTSIDE Why were you last outside? because we had to take one of our foster kids to contact with his parents  What’s the last outdoors concert you went to? fusion festival like 4 years ago Do you own a tent? yup, a small 4 person tent What’s the weather like today? shit Do you have distinctive seasons where you live? yeah pretty much. its cold in the winter and sometimes warm in the summer

What is your favorite kind of tree? dont really have a favourite tree Are you allergic to any plants? nope Did you play any outdoor sports in school? only the ones they made us do during pe class, like football, rounders and hockey When’s the last time you got rained on? today Do you go to parks frequently? walk the dogs couple of times a week  FACEBOOK Do you have your full birth name on there? not my middle name  Describe your profile picture: me in the woods looking up at a tree  What’s the last notification you got? an invite to a theatre event Do you ever upload videos? yeah sometimes, of funny things that happen (normally mom dancing) How many friends do you have? 341 Who is the last person you added? someone from theatre  Do you use Messenger a lot? yeah if someone messages me on there or if I need to message someone I dont have number of  What is the last thing you posted/shared? that black mirror is incredible  According to your Facebook memories, what did you post last year? idk something to do with christmas probably  What groups are you in? theatre membership group and various cast groups of shows ive been involved in  FOOD What’s the last thing you ate? chocolate and vanilla cheesecake  How about drank? pepsi Do you have plans for dinner tonight? we had chicken and jacket potato and cheese Do you have any food allergies? milk, but I still drink it because I cant be tamed :’) Are you on a diet? no but I need to be  What’s the last fast food place you went to? does Starbucks count? What foreign cuisines do you enjoy? italian  What is your least favorite fruit? all of them expect apple and banana  How many meals have you had today, so far? breakfast lunch and dinner